enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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exhaustion

I woke up this morning in the midst of a horrible dream, mostly about endless work with no purpose. And then the wordreference "word of the day" was "sisyphean"...

Let me tell you, I just spent my morning pages trying to wind myself out of that one.

I'm wondering if I should stop taking these antihistamines.

Does your life ever feel as if it's leading to nothing?

I'm having the strange experience lately of feeling fine - not unhappy, I mean - and yet walking down the street and feeling a version of acedia (extreme apathy).

What I think of most is that I simply want to go away. On the other hand, where does that lead?

I'm guessing that it has something to do with a lack of play in my life. I'm very willingly childlike, when I'm able, which is why I enjoy travel so much - open adventure, uncontrollable stimuli - and my life here is so regulated. This morning, for example, I have a meeting first thing and I know exactly what I'm going to have to fuss with all morning. I'm on a committee I have to respond to as well. I have to respond to the responses to my final empirical results on the big project. I must write an outline for the next one, with juicy details to explain what I'm going to hit the ground running doing when I get back from my all-too-brief European trip.

I really want to call AC and extend my trip by five days or so, but every time I call them the lines are tied up with people trying to get out of Europe or get to Europe (i.e. those with earlier tickets than mine), so I've given up on that one for now. In any event, I should let those people go first, for sure!

I don't know. A magic answer would be great.

Well, breakfast is always a good idea. How about that?

Have a lovely day.

7:58 a.m. - 2010-04-22

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