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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt [email protected] Gogh

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Come al solito

I don't think of myself as the sort of person who gets overwhelmed by packing, but I am officially overwhelmed by packing.

I feel a bit like sitting on my suitcase and crying.

I suspect it's just fatigue from all of the prep that has gone into this - leave forms, tax forms, insurance, health issues, blah blah, plus the work paper I have almost finished but not quite, and the hand-over log I need to prep on Monday. I suppose I should just remind myself that I get to miss this horrible election. I've already voted, of course...but it's not going to help. That said, I'll face all of this when I get back.

The spending is probably what is really getting to me. This trip is costing me a lot. I've been lying awake about it. But what a stupid thing to worry about. When I was ill in January and didn't know whether I had something seriously wrong with me, money seemed so inconsequential. In fact, everything I own, have owned, or ever could own, seemed completely irrelevant. What I looked like seemed irrelevant. Everything but that little heart voice that made me feel small and yet wide open, and full of compassion and sensitivity towards the world and the people in it, was irrelevant.

I liked it that way. Why all of a sudden am I worried about money again? I think the answer has to be in habit. It's more apparent to me than ever that I have the habit - nay, compulsion - of replacing one worry as it departs with another. If I'm going to work consciously on changing anything when I'm in Italy, I think it must be that.

I should get back to packing. Take a deep breath and get back to packing. And then I need to clean this dusty place. Oh and empty the fridge. We don't want THAT kind of a mess when I return. Sigh. Can I snap my fingers and be there?

Bacioni i miei amici!

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1:38 p.m. - 2011-04-16

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Come al solito - 2011-04-16
unfettered spending - 2011-04-15
How does it go? - 2011-04-14
Whirlwind. - 2011-04-13
bleak that flips over to daffodil - 2011-04-08