enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Mornings rush past. Stay! Stay!

Hi friends,

Quick one.

You know, the morning pages work for me because at least for these minutes in time, I am fully, completely in the present. I'm enjoying my mornings. I just need to get up a half hour earlier, in order to make them even longer. Now I have to rush into the shower. :)

I took these photos yesterday:

The light was better then.

To be honest, I've been very pleased with myself this week. I've run into two ghosts from my past, and in both cases I've more or less managed to not "pull the file."

There's nothing really wrong with these people, but in both cases, they remind me of very, very, very unhappy times in my life. (Section deleted about first person.) I don't want to go back. What's the point? Anyhow, the point is not about the past. Recently I've realized that a lot of the past is incredibly trivial, but we make it not. Why? Because we're rather stupid.

Strive to be happy, as they say. Face forward.

So that said, I'm proud of the way that I've kept my composure and not started to "dig down," as C. is wont to say.

The other person is the poet scientist's girlfriend, who I tried to avoid at the race on Sunday, but who caught me anyhow. Two years ago when we had dinner in a group she blurted out "So, since you're getting close to forty, are you going to go to a sperm bank or find another means to have a child?" She was discussing her friend who went to N3pal on a spiritual pilgrimage, had sex with her sherpa without using birth control as she wanted to have a child, and came back to Ottawa to live life as an intentional single parent. I should have just said at the time, "Gee, I'm not as idiotic as that," but I missed my opportunity.

Actually, to each his or her own. I am not judgmental about these things. Really. But I do hate people who try to pry into my personal life and impose their own issues on me. Amazingly, however, it doesn't bother me at all now. But lately I will admit to having thought a bit of the poet scientist and the circumstances surrounding that near miss, and, well, whatever... I haven't actually been ruminating. When I think of it no feelings bubble to the surface, either, so maybe this is a signal that I've moved beyond a whole lot of stuff.

Fuck, it's late. Must rock and roll. More later.

Bonne journee!!

XO

8:29 a.m. - 2010-03-18

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