enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Is fibre laxative a "miscellaneous dry good?"

Hey dolls!

Well...volunteering went a little bit short tonight. They didn't have very much food for us to sort at the food bank. Not the best of seasons.

Also, after work I was running late, so I took a taxi there. The taxi driver got lost and took me all over, so the ride cost me a fortune. (The streets are confusing, but still...)

And then the poet scientist was there.

It's always interesting seeing this guy. On one level, we would have been a great match.

On another level, it's difficult for me to respect him given what he did and said whilst dating this other woman (with whom he's living now).

Also, I'm not crazy about men who say things that could easily be taken as criticisms of their partner. I haven't seen the guy in ages, but he said a few things about things that his girlfriend has done lately that he doesn't think make sense. He didn't say them in a disparaging way, but I felt like saying, "Yeah. I knew already that you two are not really compatible. She's a social butterfly who is an avid consumer and who does stupid things like try to make a pug dog swim across a big lake, and who is constantly signing you up for social engagements in which you are not interested. You're an academic in the biological sciences who shops at the army surplus, is a big reader of poetry, very introverted, and very big on the environment. Why did you think anything would change in this?"

At least he didn't try to kiss me this time.

SO that was all interesting. Funnily enough, listening to all of the activities that they have planned - upcoming trips, etc. - I didn't have the pang of "I wish I had someone."

I had a feeling of contentment, instead, that I'm living my life exactly as I want to live it. No lies. No faking anything. No cheating someone else or myself out of what they or I deserve. No compromising of my values or my time. The only downside to my day was that I came home to find the hallway carpets cleaned and so on and so clearly the owners are about to put the house on the market. Cross your fingers that this won't result in me having to move. I love my little place. :)

You know, it just occurred to me, for the first time, that I am brave and the poet scientist is not! If I had agreed to be with him two years ago, we'd still be together. He's the kind of guy who finds one and stays. He does that because he's afraid. I'm not afraid to be alone, even though sometimes it's not pleasant. This is all true. XO

8:01 p.m. - 2009-09-16

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