enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Waking up without an alarm, probably on an Italian farm with the rooster crowing at dawn is my ideal...

What a brilliant morning! I woke up without the alarm again, which is a treat. I flipped on the radio only to listen to an interview with the next Prime Minister. I love turning the psychology of this man over and over in my mind. Should be a very interesting year at work, if things work out as I anticipate.

Otherwise, last night C. backed out on going to the pub for my celebration dinner (will be tonight), so instead I went over to his place for a stir fry. (Yes - we spend too much time together! He's off on a date today, fortunately). Afterwards we watched a documentary. It was excellent. Canadians make pretty crap movies as a rule, but our documentary tradition is formidable. This one was about the Y@ngtze (Up the Y@ngtze (could sound rude, no?)), with a precise focus: the exploration of the experience of one dirt-poor family displaced by the Thr3e Gorg3s project. It was very beautifully filmed and progressively heart-wrenching. It was also slyly witty. I kept on asking C. how they got this footage out. ;)Makes me want so much to get out in the world. And what can I do about these things? Maybe I WILL reconsider diplomacy. Or maybe I will go and see these things and write about them.

Meandering again. At any rate, I can choose to continue as an economist and build a reputation in government, or get further into political or even diplomatic life, or I can choose to pursue an entirely different career. I suppose that my age is marginally limiting, although that is less so as time passes. Plus, I'm a young almost forty! I never sit still!

Wanting little is also helpful. I could become a backpacker again with only a tiny bit of money and be very happy. I'm happy as long as my curiosity is being met. I'm happy as long as I am alert and engaged. Of course I recognize the value of a pension...

Anyhow. Really rambling. It's quite a crisp morning! Last night, in fact, it was -1! It's now something hovering above zero but there are STUNNING blue skies outside and the temperature is due to rise to fourteen. A walk to the market to take some photos this afternoon is in order (oh and to buy cheese, of course!). On the other hand, I also rented the Mike L3igh film H@ppy-go-Lucky last night. It was one of my three favourite films last year. I want to see it again to see if I want to add a copy to my very small collection of DVDs (only favourites go in there).

I was thinking last night of what my three favourite movies were last year. I didn't actually see that many movies last year (apart from at the EU film festival), so it's probably not fair to offer the three up as a comment on last year's film, but here they are:

1) Happy-go-lucky
2) Il y a longtemps que je t'aime
3) The Evening Star

What were your three favourite movies last year? I'm always looking for recommendations!

What else? Not much. I really ought to do some work today and I probably will (have a hefty heap of research to get done before I leave for Italia :(), but I also started a book for pleasure last night. Another travel book. If I had to be perfectly honest, I think that I would love to be a travel writer. I'd love to be a travel writer with a mildly political bent. I would love that line of work. But then isn't that a journalist? ;)

I'm confused. As always. And like Fifi, my insides are likely layered with pollen. Allergies...

Hope you are enjoying a FABULOUS spring weekend. I will likely post some pics after I get back from my wander this afternoon. Now, I'm off to make some potato pancakes. I have a craving!

You'd think from these entries that I never have any fun. Seems I'm always trying to sort out "big" questions in my life. I discovered in yoga yesterday that this is actually NOT true! When the teacher asked (several times) if the mind was talking, I realized that my mind was blank! Completely blank! I couldn't summon anything that I was thinking! I have an "off" switch! How wonderful! (I guess that's why the rest of the time I'm obsessively thinking ;)). Incidentally, the time off in a year or so is taking shape. Definitely France for some reason, and then, who knows...I could end up doing something surprising. RIght now, the time is the issue. I don't want to feel pressured to shorten this thing in order to secure my job. Six months seems a good length. Hmmm...Life is a thrill ride and I cherism every moment of it.

I know it must seem odd that I have dropped the History Ph.D. I haven't at all. It just doesn't fit with right now. I think that I want to do something more active; something that engages with history, perhaps, but isn't "it." Besides, there will always be time for more laboured, formal study, even when I'm retired. No, there is something else trying to work itself out right now. I can't wait to see what this is! It feels as though it is happening in exactly the "right" way and on its own, perfect timeline.

10:48 a.m. - 2009-04-19

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