enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Feel free to tell me that I'm full of crap, any time!

What a load of crap I write in this diary! (But then again, it is my diary and no one is forced to read! And in fact, on rereading, I realize that it doesn't matter what I write here - anything goes. I would, however, like my sense of humour back again soon.)

I just got home and went through my archives in order to figure out when I had my last period! Yes! Like leap years, the start and end of daylight savings time, and Thanksgiving, other than a general idea I never know in advance exactly when these things will occur. I have the perfect empty and dump brain: all low-value information I let go of and trust google to find anew for me. It's the ultimate form of trust I think: trust the search!

OK - Google can't do much about my period.

So...Going through my archives was a real disaster. First, I look like an insane person for making multiple daily entries. It seems that I have WAAY too much of a need to talk my way through things. This is why I never reread what I write.

I'll try to keep today's nonsense brief. I was very distracted for the first time in weeks. I wasn't at all satisfied with my work effort or concentration. Hopefully I will kick that pattern tomorrow. I've been so confident and focused and productive lately that it would be a real shame to let that slip.

Not sure what happened. It could be because I am sick. I had chills all day. But I always work through colds and so on so it's not that big of a deal. I had a big mug of tea on my desk.

It could be because my boss returned today. He always throws me off. I'm also a bit worried about this large project, since I can't find what I need to find in some baseline data.

The level of distraction that I felt this morning though was not good. I just didn't care about the project.

Maybe this happened because I started thinking last night about that whole "working on getting to the warm and fuzzy place in doing something that I love instead of something such as what I do." Maybe it happened because I spent the whole weekend being a homebody, and as a result felt like a big loser at the end of it.

I'll blame it on Opr@h. I am not at all an Oprah acolyte (snobbery on my part, only, really), but someone once pointed me to her "O" Magazine site and I absolutely love the personal coach who writes pieces for her (Martha Beck). I find the articles to be well-written, useful and utterly addictive. Maybe I'm yearning for positive feeling wherever I can get it.

Maybe today was a not great day because it is bloody cold and grey and horrible outside. Winter has returned.

OK. That was sort of short, I think. But the good news is...JOAN emailed me last night! We'll definitely meet up in Florence!

7:07 p.m. - 2009-03-23

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell