enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Ideas!

Finally a moment's peace. I might be able to do some proper thinking.

I finally finished that project!!!

I get Thursday and Friday off!

My arm is hurting! (But let's not talk about that.)

So I had a horrible revelation this afternoon, after I finished my project. It was 5:18 p.m. and I should have left work but...I felt a feeling of bereavement, as in, "I can't possibly be finished work yet. What can I do?"

UGH!!

Honestly, an old friend of mine has had a theory about me for a long time. He has suggested, for example, that I didn't finish my Ph.D. thesis because if I had finished it...what would be next? (I was pretty far along. He screamed into the phone at me.) He thinks I'm afraid of endings, of finishing things. Um, you don't say. I also didn't finish law school or the first of the three Master's degrees that I started (and I was inches from finishing the one I left - I got on a plane to Hong Kong instead). Yes, I'm disturbed. Or I was... (Why oh why would anyone waste this much time and opportunity? I'm quite ashamed of myself.) It occurs to me that I didn't finish because these were all things that my mother wanted me to do, not things that I wanted to do.

I think that that's fairly common. The not finishing things part. I'm not like that anymore. I'm not so easily distracted and I'm not as ruled by my emotions. Phew.

What else? I feel as though there ought to be something else. I'm stuffing some bread dipped in olive oil (mmmm...my favourite) into my face at the moment. C. is due to call and we're going for a run. I'm not really looking forward to it, even though I have missed running, given that it is cold and black night outside. I do not like this kind of weather. It depresses me when the snow is patchy and it is very cold (and so the sky black), and the sidewalks bleached with dried salt from the snow that had been there. You wouldn't know that Canada is a pretty country on these days.

Ah sigh.

Hmm..There must be something else.

There's this: I did Anna's typelogic test and came out exactly the same as her (ESFP). This is an interesting result. The description sort of fits me. It fits me quite a bit, actually, except that every time I have ever done a Myers-Brigg I have come out as an INFP. I am never sure of the truth. Much of my personality has been suppressed in my life because it hasn't met with approval. Also, I don't like conflict, it is true, but in truth I *do* initiate it - as I did last week with K. - in that it is very important to me to be truthful. I can't stand not being honest and forthright about things. I'm quite a no-nonsense person in that way. Usually this means that I don't get into many fights, because being honest along the line tends to defuse situations before they get out of control.

Well, that was a ramble. Sadly, I'm running out of whole wheat baguette to dip. I'm now dreaming of Anna's ribeye steak. I do love red meat. I don't eat it every week but I do love it. I had a gigantic bistecca alla fiorentina on NYE but the only picture that I have is of the bone AFTER I had eaten it. I don't want to gross you out, so I won't post it. Not sure why I took the pic at that point... :)

OK. See you later, alligators!

PS Anna: Will do some van research tonight, but I need to know all of the possible pick up and drop off points, basic arc of travel, etc.

6:23 p.m. - 2009-03-03

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