enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Something about Guinness, dudes

So I went to the pub last night with C. When there I looked around and I realized that it's my own damn fault that I don't fit in in my own culture.

(I really, really love that pub.)

So everyone was there looking all rugged and outdoorsy, as if they had come in from a day of cross-country skiing in the Gatin3au Hills.

And lo and behold they likely had done so!

Really, my problem is that I'm constantly resisting my own culture. In my own way, I'm just as outdoorsy as the next person. I love to cycle and run and I know the woods better than most city folks on account of my upbringing. I can fell a tree and build my own shelter and track animals, find sources of food. I can paddle a mean canoe and I got all of the Brownie (early girl scouts) badges in orienteering. :)

Yeah, it's how it is. I've been resisting my way into not being a part of where I come from. And it's not such a bad place. Only I FLATLY refuse to get a big screen tv and start watching HOCKEY. Jamais! Not going to happen!

I realized that Marco has been correct in telling me all along to find someone here. I don't know why I've been so stupidly resistent to it. I realized last night that the men here are badly dressed and unable or unwilling to express their emotions, but they are not ENTIRELY composed of negative qualities. For example, they tend to be rather tall and rugged and have thick hair and smile and laugh a great deal. They also tend to be well-educated and responsible, especially in Ottawa (only unfortunately in a rather bland way).

Those are good things, right? (Well, if they would just stop saying "eh!" all the time, we might have an arrangement.)

Yeah, and the hockey thing is definitely a dealbreaker. (How to find a guy who doesn't spend the entire winter and spring obsessed with hockey is a significant challenge.)

But I am up for challenges! I can do this!

You know, the irony is that M. would probably love it here. He's completely outdoorsy and athletic, of course, and very casual. He's the most ill-dressed northern, urban Italian I've ever seen, in spite of the fact that he can identify cashmere and comments readily on what I'm wearing. Did I tell you that the night we went for dinner with his business partner as we were driving along the highway he turned to me and said, "EB, Do you NEED shoes? We could stop!" (At this point he was pointing at what I can only imagine is an outlet mall along the highway outside of Florence.)

"Um. I'm wearing shoes. Maybe after dinner!?!?"

Anyhow. I'm drifting. I'm up early. I'm following my new regime of getting to bed early and getting up early. Can you believe it? Of course I overslept. As a result I'm rather groggy.

I don't know what I was writing about - I've lost my train of thought. I just got up to blowdry my hair before it went all crazy and wingy on me, and also to put on underwear and a skirt. I'm sure you wanted to know that.

Sooo...

This is not to say that I won't continue to work towards my plan of interviewing with foreign affairs and going to Italy in the spring for my studio art course; and that I won't go to Paris in September or October with my friends. (I think that that's the plan.)

In the intervening months I'm going to join a cycling club because I looooove to ride. Maybe what I'll do is plan to cycle in France in the fall for a week. Although the interesting thing is that if I got the foreign affairs job I would have to get my French to a VERY high level very quickly, so maybe I could make an arrangement with them to go to France for three months to study instead of staying here. (Of course they'd probably try to send me to Trois Rivieres or something.)

Hmmm...as I write this I realize that I am rapidly running out of vacation time.

At any rate, perhaps when in Rome...I will definitely join a cycling club in the spring, which should introduce me to people, but perhaps also I should give in to this rugged place and join a cross-country ski club this winter.

Hmm..I'm sure the impulse will fade by the time I get home from work today, but it was a nice morning fantasy that I could be a vrai canadienne for a while. I'm just not that fond of fleece.

7:58 a.m. - 2009-01-12

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