enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Not such a long walk, but it's a long way down.

Funny video from Florence. It's funny because we were posing for a photograph on the first day and I had put my camera on the video setting. I hate this video, not only because I have the WORST HAIR EVER in it, but because I apologize and call myself stupid at the end of it. UGH. So much progress needs to be made:

I probably shouldn't say this (ahem, knock on wood), but I feel so much better that I'm planning to meet Dr. Dude at the pub in an hour or so.

Of course I just ate a piece of salmon and my lip swelled up, which is weird, and I frittered away most of the day in a strange state of obsessive thinking - strange because I don't feel at all miserable or self-judging and had started out the morning so well :) - and I still feel good.

I mean, I'm not trying to say that I'm perfectly happy. But I do feel able to work towards a better future.

Do you know that every time I turn on the damn news and hear the bad news stories about the economy, and about all of the people in massive consumer debt who are freaking out, I THANK MY LUCKY STARS that I have a secure job and that that is not me. So that might be no more than running scared straight into the face of gratitude, but still it's good.

I don't know why I'm so exceptionally calm at the moment, but I think it has to do with friends. I really am SO SO SO SO lucky that I always am able to make kind and caring friends who genuinely love me. I marvel at the miracle. I occasionally read a diary of someone whose diary I have read for a long time and who continually complains about her fair weather friends. I thank my lucky stars that that is not a problem I share.

And you might wonder at how I'm holding up about the Marco thing. Oddly, TRUTHFULLY, I'm perfectly relaxed about it. I've felt no impulse to write to him. I know in my heart that we will ultimately be friends, no matter what, i.e. that one day we'll see each other again and go for a nice bike ride, but whatever else is just not worth thinking about.

It's amazing how difficult it is to GET INTO a state of genuine relaxation, but once you're there it's a marvel. Just please let it last more than three days. :)

Guess I should take the rice that I'm cooking for lunch tomorrow off the stove. CRAP. I just realized that I have a New Year's work lunch tomorrow. UGH. OOps. Well Tuesday's lunch is ready. :)

Early proof of calm in Rome:

6:51 p.m. - 2009-01-11

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