enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Mondays always suck, I tell myself. Tuesdays are typically better.

I had a fucking dreadful day.

If you'd ask me if the point of being all responsible-like and going to bed early and getting up early would be to get to work late and feeling discombobulated, and to subsequently have a panic attack when important measures needed to be costed...I'd have looked at you in shock.

Yes! I had a panic attack this morning. I actually don't feel that badly about it. (I also made a big mistake this afternoon.) My brain just wasn't firing right today. I have no idea why. I'll blame it on the Guinness last night. That hardly seems fair as I only had two and early in the evening following a large meal, but whatever. I can't think of anyone or anything else to blame.

OH well. I've gone through a short version of my usual self-beating and now I'm right again. I just hope that tomorrow is better.

I came home this evening to meet up with R.'s son about changing my rent cheques to his mother's name.

Now I'm sitting here very hungry as I didn't have time to go to the supermarket. I hate that. I do have my sheets in the dryer freshy washed and I was so embarrassed to have the son in so I scrubbed the bathroom all shiny and new, so a small sense of accomplishment in the day is mine!

Do you know that today when I saw K. again upon her return to the office and we sat down and chatted I was actually trying to convince HER that I should forget about M.? She was disappointed to hear that I've decided to forget about it. She KNEW that he would play the game that he did and email me immediately right after my return, and she is convinced that he cares too much and doesn't know what to do about it.

To be honest, I'm dead sick of men. I don't want any more nonsense or any more wasted time or energy. I should be dead sick of myself as well, for I'm equally the moron in this situation.

But being tired of something and ready to move on has its perks. One day at a time, EB. One day at a time.

OK. Sad and depressing as it is as a meal option, I think that I am going to order a pizza.

Sleep well and be good! ;-)

9:13 p.m. - 2009-01-12

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