enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Holy jetlag, batgirl!

SO get this: Jetlagged I walked the freezing two miles to the counselor last night and when I got there he was busy and had forgotten our appointment (even though it was in his book). He looked shocked to see me. We rescheduled. I'm giving him a bit of leeway given that in the first two appointments he did provide me with valuable insights. Otherwise, he seems to be a bit senile.

I must tell you something that will not paint me in a good light at all. Often in life I find I hit walls of feeling that I am either smarter or quicker than other people. I often feel that I am two steps ahead of the people in question.

So I walked the freezing two miles back and plunked down in my chair. Pretty soon I was asleep. I awoke at midnight and crawled to bed.

MY head is still stuffy and I'm obviously a bit sick. This is a bit inconvenient as I'd love to go out for a run or even a skate today, even though the high will only apparently be -12. Oh well. We'll see.

Soo...I feel great. I mean, mentally great. I just hope it can last.

I feel filled with drive and energy. I want to get out and DO things! I want to read lots! I want to eat chocolate ice cream! I want to draw! I want to plan my trip to Paris or Florence in April!

Actually, the latter bit can wait. The only thing I need to do is register and pay for my studio course at that time.

In what adventures am I going to engage this winter??? Cross-country skiing is high on the list but then I would need to buy the equipment and take a course (believe it or not, I've never done it...)... and we've only got about three months of good skiing left. The big problem is that I don't have a car. Having a car makes getting to the trails much much easier.
So, on balance, I think that cross-country skiing is out for this year.

I will definitely run and will start biking again as soon as my bike comes back from the shop and I can get it up on the trainer. I suppose I could go to the spinning studio.

Hey- I completely forgot yoga! I still have a pass. Not sure if I feel like doing that today. Perhaps I will later.

I'm also all fired up about shopping. That sounds weird. But I'd done the "no new clothes" thing for months and I realize that indeed buying a few colourful items is a joy-inducing part of life. I'm going to buy a couple of brightly coloured sweaters and tops and not feel guilty about doing this. Besides, I'll be helping the beleaguered economy. :)

I definitely need to commit to something before this energy and enthusiasm wanes. What will it be?

I think what I'm feeling right now is patience with the process. MAybe it's because I can see very slow but steady change. Things don't always move quickly. I'll try a few interviews, read a bit, practise some new hobbies...something will come to the fore and say to me, "This is it!" I have confidence in the process.

Oh and PS Marco is left behind. It's completely up to him now. My patience has run out. If he wants to do something about this he's going to have to work very hard. If he wants to drop it entirely, that's fine. I'm not going to contact him. I feel completely fine about this. I think I reached my limit. At first I thought it hurt but in the end you wake up and realize, "Meh, next!"

Breakfast, wherefore art thou?

8:54 a.m. - 2009-01-10

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