enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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STUPID ME. (I know I shouldn't say that.)

ARGH. I know I keep on posting things.

I still haven't bought the ticket. I've been obsessing over it, coming close to buying it, delaying...

Terrible. I'm afraid, plain and simple.

I realized as well that there is no issue with M. He's totally innocent. I was reading something into his note. It says clearly at the beginning that he wanted to reply as soon as he got it. I sent it late Friday, which means that the earliest he could have gotten it was yesterday. He doesn't check his personal email all the time.

Forget about it. And I'd expected that he'd be taking his mother to his sister's if his sister and her family weren't going there. It's his off season, etc.

So forget about him. The thing is should *I* go? The itinerary would be December 27 to January 6. I keep on getting close to booking the flights and then not doing it. The plan would be to fly into Florence and then travel by train for a couple of days to visit Assisi and then to probably spend New Year's Eve in Venice with my friends. I could then fly out of either Florence or Rome. I'd only have nine days there (C. and I decided that he'd have time to spend Christmas with me before I go (he's preparing for his defence on January 5 and so he'll be busy otherwise)). Flying out of Rome would be more interesting, but out of Florence obviously sort of easier, given my familiarity with the airport.

I wish I weren't such a fraidy cat. I'm having so many doubts and fears. I wish I didn't think so much. It makes me sad that I am me.

I just looked at my "cainer" horoscope though (site that Anna pointed me to a while back). It says this:

You have got what it takes. You can do what's needed. You can find what you need. Etc. I am tempted to carry on in this vein for the remainder of your forecast. You need as much encouragement as you can get because, though your outlook is now very helpful, your memory of a recent difficult experience is weighing on you heavily. You doubt yourself. You fear a recurrence of some old problem. You half expect to encounter disappointment or failure. Stop it, drop it and be brave. It's time for a new relationship with the past.

8:52 p.m. - 2008-12-07

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