enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Resolute.

You know, I think I'm already overthinking this, because I just reread the note that he sent and the note that I sent on Friday. Mine was very breezy and non-commital - "I'll be traveling around but if you have time to meet in Florence for dinner...I don't want to intrude on your family time, etc."

His was actually very nice and surprised and extremely apologetic that he won't be there. He said he wishes he had known (it is true - I had never mentioned to him before that I had been thinking about Europe for Christmas, since I didn't want to bother him before I had decided).

Fin. Time to forget it all and breathe and relax and just be.

AND DEFINITELY NOT THINK OF CHANGING MY TICKET TO PARIS, as had been my original plan. That would be, um, stalkery. :) I wouldn't do that; don't worry. I have no real interest in France, to be honest. I love Italy. Resolutely.

Update: I've been thinking about this for a couple of hours, and in the end I think it is the best thing (but why the hell do tickets to Paris have to be 300 cheaper now than tickets to Italy?). I didn't mention this in the last entry, but I was on the phone with my friend K., whom I'm going to meet up with in Italy, at the time that I got the email from M. She talked me through it in a really sensible way, and she got me really excited about meeting up with her and her husband for New Year's in Venice.

If I think about this very practically, not having any expectations or any commitments when I am there makes this trip purely for me and very freeing. If I think clearly, this is probably the best possible outcome. Maybe the universe is simply telling me that I'm not ready yet to not be alone. (And besides, I won't really be alone, anyhow.) Time to buy the ticket.

2:36 p.m. - 2008-12-07

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