enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Milestones

So today was a good work day. I have to put this in my memory so that I can repeat it: I went to work and focused non-stop on my work. Not allowing my mind to wander made the day so much more tolerable, and I left on time.

Reminder to self: Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my first day there. I made it through a year! Somebody have a party for me!

So I made some progress today in another respect. I got home and M. came into my mind as he has not written to me yet. I'm assuming that he is back in Italy from California by now. For sure, it makes me sad. Letting go is difficult.

But do you know what? I was standing in the kitchen and I caught myself starting to cycle into "Why?" and all of the other questions that I could be asking, and instead I stopped myself. I told myself, "What would be the point? Why imagine things? Why even think about it?"

And do you know what? I stopped and let go. Go me!

Yeah, go me!

I'm very tired tonight. I think it must be my job that does it. I had a good sleep last night and felt sharp today, but now that the day is over I am weary. It must be looking at figures all day.

I got all but two small parts of a project done, so that works.

Tomorrow morning is French. Well, rather a doctor's appointment and then French. I do hate pap tests. But they are over quickly.

And then I have another makeup class of Italian tomorrow night.

I actually ran into R, my landlord, on the way in, and he invited me in for a quick cognac (mercifully only a half an hour), and to a movie at the film festival. I'm rather regretting that I did not go to the film festival. It's a documentary tonight about Liverp00l, from the maker of the Hous3 of Mirth.

OH well, no use fretting over it now. I suppose I was trying to resist having to spend more time with R.

I am going to an Austrian film on Thursday. Should be lovely.

Gee, this is boring!

Oh! I must tell you the funniest thing. I was wearing menswear-inspired trousers today and a white shirt with blue pinstripes, tall black boots under the pants and a thin black belt.

I went to my favourite place to get coffee today and I DO BELIEVE that I heard some guy say something to the effect of, "She's dressed like a man!"

WHAT?!

I still think I look fine in conservative clothes. I do find that many women wear their clothes rather tight and short (coats, skirts), and with too much makeup (IMHO). I would feel very uncomfortable dressing that way for work. It is funny to think of how people perceive one. I suppose that I will never fit in in life. And I suppose that that is OK. Joan when I was in Italy sort of suggested that I need to "set the bait" more effectively, but to be honest I don't think that I could ever "flash" myself up in order to catch a guy. It's just not me. I think it would feel so wrong.

Well, I'm going to start putting in my 10,000 hours of drawing. Oh and heat my squash.

Be happy and well!

Oh! I almost forgot. Malcolm Gl@dwell received an utter routing in the NYT today. I can understand why. What he's presenting is not science. Well, I haven't read any of his books, so I had assumed that he had provided at least reasonable support of his assertions from scientific studies. But I still find the idea that success is much more about work than talent very compelling. :) I like hopeful messages.

7:56 p.m. - 2008-11-18

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