enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Super S!

Hi friends,
I wish I had time to read you right now and to write a proper entry, but unfortunately I don't.

I'm heading out in 45 minutes on a tough bike ride. Apparently the others who booked today wanted something challenging, so I am likely to cough up a lung. I feel OK although I have a horrible cough and my throat is coughed raw (bronchs I mean). There is still GROSS stuff coming out of my face.

Anyhow. The point is that it's either going to be good because the sweating will be cleansing, or not. I think probably it will be good.

So last night...last night was great. I wish I had time to put in the details right now but the thing is that I had definitely romanticized the spring thing in my head. I mean, don't get me wrong, I completely adore this man, but last night I saw it more as a fun night with a wonderful man with whom there is no potential to have a real relationship. I'm definitely not "in love" with him, though I might have fancied myself to be.

At the same time, I didn't feel the same gushing adoration from him, although there was still attraction and flirtation and fun. Mostly I got that we just really, really enjoy each other's company.

He picked me up at 4. I was looking like COMPLETE crap as I was so tired and given the sickness thing. I don't think I favourably impressed him, necessarily. But right from the start we had a wonderful conversation. We were bantering and laughing and I did not feel for one minute as though I was flirting or nervous or trying too hard. I felt like myself right from the start. It was great.

So he is such a funny (peculiar) man. First, it turns out that he and I were driving to a little town in which his web designer lives. We sat with her in he apartment, listening to the people outside doing their passagiata I think it is called. People here all like to go out and have an aperitivo and go for a walk.

So after that we went for an aperitivo and then a walk. It was fun. He was so goofy, as he had bought pants that were not fitting high enough on the waist, and he had lost his belt. (What kind of Italian only has one belt, anyhow?) :)

So we walked around the town trying to find him a belt. We ended up in this little leather shop and the most hilarious process ensued as they tried to find him a belt that would fit him, and then cut and reshaped the belt to suit him. All of this for 12 Euro. :) It really was hilarious. I do love Italians.

So then we drove to his partner's house, at which she had prepared the most awesome spread of prosecco and cheeses. She is a sommelier and extremely fastidious, so I loved it. Then we went to a restaurant and had a WONDERFUL meal that was too much for me, I'll admit. We also drank wine and grappa (WONDERFUL grappa, I'll tell you). I never felt drunk but I must say that it seemed like a lot for me to have drunk with no consequences. I suppose there was a lot of food. I drank very little of the wine, too, so that was good, and the meal took forever.

We waited for a long time and talked - mostly about the girl's recent love interest - and it was relaxed. We had a nice time. Eventually we drove home, after dessert. In total it was a 9 hour date. It was fantastic.

It's not going anywhere. I do hope, however, that we will see each other once or twice again before I go. It is probably a busy week for him for tours so maybe not. He did ask though if he could join me at the opera - Tosca or La Traviata. If I end up staying the extra week of course I might have another chance to cycle with him. Who knows. And if we go out again I will definitely wear a hot dress and the hot boots, or my awesome new skirt (or the dress that I am going to buy at M@x Mara). :) This time I went sort of smart casual, as I didn't want to look like I was trying. Actually, I had had a FANTASTIC day with Joan, and we had just arrived back at my hostel 20 minutes beforehand, so I really put no effort into my appearance. I wanted it that way. No pressure.

Anyways...the point of this message is that right now at least I feel really empowered in myself. I came through the summer I think having learned a great deal. I honestly felt in control of the situation and in control of myself like now. Most importantly, I feel completely in the now in this situation. I don't think I'm going to be going back home and pining. I'm going to be going back home looking forward to the next time I meet someone with whom I connect, but with whom there is a more realistic possibility of spending more time. And who knows, I will likely be back here some day.

In other words, it was the best possible night of the ones that could have transpired. It was romantic without being stupid and unrealistic. It felt like two friends who enjoy each other's company enormously, out to enjoy a bit of life. Sweet. And of course his hands are still soft. ;).

I also must tell you the most beautiful thing. He told me that every time he drives by San Min!ato (my favourite church), he thinks of me. He had this really lovely, tender look in his eyes when he said it. I can't believe that he remembered that that church is my favourite. He said, "because it's my favourite church, too." So I think I'll think of him associated with that as well.

8:12 a.m. - 2008-09-21

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