enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Delayed gratification indeed.

I have very little to say, so I should probably keep my giant bouche shut.

But of course I won't!

Speaking of verbal diarrhea, it occurs to me that if I use the expression I should at least spell the word correctly. (I'm the worst slob on diaryland.)

I felt really off all day. The day started off badly and it kind of puttered along and ended, and I mostly feel cross. It was entirely my fault - I slept only 6 hours for the second night straight because I was knitting and reading and got carried away, PLUS I had had a glass of wine last night and not enough water and so was hot. This morning, as a result of this, I had the worst boob moment ever: I poured a glass of chocolate soy milk and then it promptly slipped from the stupid spot in which I had perched it and drenched my entire outfit. I had a chocolate splotched grey skirt, pink sweater, shoes... UGH. I then had to delay at home to clean it up and so was fifteen minutes late relative to my new EARLY elective work time!

But having said the above, I'm very, very pleased with myself because it's clear to me that I'm training myself into new habits of thinking. When the worried thoughts cross my mind I drop them more quickly - there was an episode in which the chill went through my blood at the thought of having to work on a project with the senior economist when he returns next week - and I'm frankly learning to tell the self-disrespecting EB to just shuddup already.

Add to that the fact that I actually said a big bad "No!" today to the furniture charity person. I realized that I have every right to assert myself and not volunteer when it's not within my energies to do so, and when I feel that I am being taken advantage of by them.

I don't have to be available for everyone all the time, and I don't have to be a perfect person.

For about an hour this morning I felt terribly guilty for saying no to volunteering tonight, but there are very good reasons - gross inefficiencies and too late of a night - and I told myself so and let it drop.

YEAH! Go me!

In other positive news, I wrote down on paper those goals that I listed the other day. I still haven't figured out exactly which course I am going to take, but I still have time. Frankly, I'd rather register and pay for something after I get back from Italy anyhow.

And speaking of Italy...I was very proud of myself yesterday for I received a fawning email from M. - he wants me to bring a fancy dress, and is planning some cycling for me - and I did not get at all excited about it. I didn't even mention it here! I will enjoy seeing him when I'm there, but really he's just one in a long line of boys who have entered and left my life. Is he not? ;)

And there will be more to come. Hehehehehehe.

Smiles to everyone!! (I'm too tired to smile really but I'm smiling at all of you! :))

6:39 p.m. - 2008-08-20

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other diaries:

stepfordtart
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awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
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fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell