enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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How text-y of me.

Friends! You should have all told me that my font is so very small! I was careless and thought that it was just boxx's computer, and I couldn't find a template that I liked. The font hadn't looked small to me! ACK! I changed it!

So funny the things you learn from other people's notes. It's a bit like spying, really - each person relates to each other quite differently. Quite differently. Like a bunch of different Venn diagrams, intersecting in different quadrants.

So I really hate my job. But let's talk about my hair and dress, instead.

Today I wore my ALL TIME favourite dress. This is my black Audr3y H3pburn in Br3akfast at Tiff@ny's dress. Super-fantastic. Only work-appropriate.

Unfortunately the dress does not make up for the chauvinism, dryness, irritation and overwork.

But I've decided that what I'm going to do is enter a competition for a higher-level job in the other place in the next couple of months. That should end in four months or so and that will be a good time to exit.

Anyhow! I'm going to try not to complain. I just got home from work - I'm leaving for Vancouver on Thursday and I wanted to be irreproachably prepared work-wise - so I cracked open a bottle of Sangiov3se.

I also got a lovely, lovely note from M., again, and since I am thinking of these notes as gifts thanks to Fifi and mariastuart, I do not feel lonely or full of yearning and desperation. I feel peaceful. I feel like this man really got that I am valuable and he's expressing that to me. How cool is that?

Also, a very funny coincidence happened today. Close your ears if you don't like religion and so on, and don't want to hear about it. I looked up, for once, on my trudge to work. I looked at this beautiful church with the perfect brick and stained glass that reminded me of the church in which I was baptised, on the corner just two blocks from my office.

And I noticed for the first time ever that it is an Angl!can church. And I looked at the door of the church to see the service times. And then a bit later in the morning I was talking with this really nice young guy at work and it turns out that he goes there. So we are going to go there for service early in the morning on Sunday together.

This story is not about the guy. This guy is way too young for me. It's about me wanting to confidently enter that space again, to be in a space in which I feel that I can quiet my head and centre myself for each week in the way that I need to do. I really can't deny that there has always been a part of me that has felt good in a church. It's a great many things. It's a great many things. I won't quite explain.

So there you go. I'm losing my facade.

So. that's it. I don't have any plans for the weekend. I don't want any. I found out that my art course is starting up in July and will take place two nights a week. That will keep me out of trouble. I'll go and sign up and plunk down the money. This weekend I think, too, I'll take the risk of having problems getting the time and just go ahead and book my plane ticket to Firenze. Life is too short.

OK. Phew. I think I'm finally done.

No! No I am not. I was sitting having a bite of lunch in the concourse below my office today - just stealing a few moments to myself during a busy day - and I noticed the funniest sign. It was on a display of children's books that someone was trying to peddle: We make finding out fun.

I read it instantly as "We find making out fun!" Honestly, I had to hold myself back from mentioning this to the poor dear.

8:27 p.m. - 2008-05-30

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