enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Hello hello hello

Today was a good day. I worked really hard, the work worked out well. My boss was pleased. I finished up by 7...and now I have 16 days to myself. How's that.

I do love that I took this weekend to prepare for my trip. The packing and organizing really won't take long, now, since I'm going to keep it simple, but it's nice to be able to do it once, do it again taking only half of the clothes originally packed, and clean out the fridge, wash up and vacuum so I come home to a super-shiny apartment...and sleep.

And...go on a date! The guy asked if he could feed me tomorrow. It was actually really nice and he was winning points. I think he's just nervous about putting me off with too much interest. I feel sorry for men. I think they feel that they have to follow a lot of rules. The interesting thing is that now that I'm a (relatively) mature woman, I don't really care about any rules.

Well, there is one rule that is important. It is the rule of courtship. It means not rushing a person, really listening and getting to know them, and making effort to make the other person feel special.

My landlord would be really good at this if he weren't so....old.

I got home today and the guy had left me flowers and chocolates for my birthday, since i"ll be in Italy at that time. ARGH! I mean, how stupid is it to give someone flowers when they've told you that they are going to ITALY ON MONDAY?

I feel so badly being so critical of the poor man. And really I should be flattered - he is a very clever and talented man and he finds me interesting. He gave me this lovely birthday card that he had drawn himself.

Actually, shockingly, I'm super popular these days. I felt badly as that guy from the unit across the hall who is a smoker and all came by to wish me well on my trip today and I had to shoo him off as I was too busy finishing something. I felt so badly afterwards. He's such a sweetie. Perhaps I'll send him an email. Yes, yes I will.

Too, this young guy who just started a couple of months ago I think likes me. Sure, I always joke around with him and try to be friendly. But he's 25 and I always emphasize that I am nearly 40. I tried to tell him today that I'm going to Italy to look for my own Italian count.

In any event he came by to wish me well on my trip. So, too, did the computer scientist, and he wished it to me in the sweetest way. I was surprised. And, one of the other senior economists has taken to calling me by the short form of my name. I don't mind with him because he is the sweetest man ever, but still it's funny.

I still dislike my job mostly but I'm becoming a bit of a work daffodil as well. It's kind of funny.

So someone recommended to me that I read E@t Pr@y Love. So far I actually don't like it. There's something about the writing that seems very immature...something like *my* writing. I read a few years ago a couple of books by a woman called Al!ce St3inback that were about a similar journey - well, not praying, but self-discovery through travel and work and play abroad - that I found much more rewarding. The writing was not as cutesy and funny, perhaps, but there was a genuine wistful understanding of the way that life really works in those books that touched me. I think it's because she had digested more before writing yet another one of those how lost are we generation x y or whatever books.

My mother finally sent my books. I think she's learning. I haven't opened the boxes yet, but I'll bet that those Educ@ting Al!ce books are in there.

Oh I don't know. I'm so at ease over so many things. Unfortunately my daffodil dress did not arrive in time. :( I'm so sad. But the other dress that I won and that was SOOO cheap arrived today and it is PERFECT on me. I bought it as it is brown with blue in it. I don't really wear blue much as I have a bit of a peachy golden tone in my skin and seem to look better in colours touched with warmth. This blue couple with the brown pattern though really brings out the blue in my eyes. And the dress fits like a dream. It's DVF of course - my favourite. And it was only $50. I totally love it. In spite of the colour it's a true Italy dress.

UH yeah. I've totally lost my train of thought. I don't know. I feel good. I'm looking forward to my date with T tomorrow. We're going to have brunch in the market. He lives across the canal so I proposed that instead of meeting at a restaurant and having that embarrasing thing of meeting in a crowd, we meet at the footbridge and walk down together. I hope he takes me up on that offer. I might have made a misstep with something else that I said though, but I'm not thinking these days of second guessing myself. I am what I am.

OK. I think I need a nap. C. invited me over to eat fajitas - hold the wrap, damn - so I should probably do that. I was late at work today so that super C even went to the currency exchange to get me a pocket full of Eur0s. How's that for a super friend?

8:58 p.m. - 2008-05-02

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