enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Not a great weekend, but in the end a great weekend.

OMG I just noticed that I wrote "bon soiree" at the bottom of my note, instead of "bonne..."

I think that my brain was not firing at all earlier.

So even though this seems like it was a pretty dreadful weekend, it actually was a great weekend.

It was a great weekend because I know myself and I know that something big has shifted in me today.

I just cannot go on yo-yo-ing like this. I must turn off the brain. Pronto. I need to get out, stop feeling sorry for myself, learn to accept myself flaws and all, be happy.

It's simple.

I'm going to make sure that I run every day. I realized today that one of the reasons that running was so good for me in one sense in the past is that when I run I turn off the brain. I simply cannot think and run. I float into the run. And when I'm home I have the endorphins in my body, I'm tired, I'm satisfied...

It's a VERY good idea.

I'm going to aim to run a very good 10k in April or May and then a marathon in the fall. I'm thinking very seriously of going back to Victoria in October, where I won my first ever marathon. Even if I am not the runner that I was then, I can use it to mark the start of a new and better decade for me.

I simply will get beyond this. I simply will get out and lose the dependence that I have on reassurance and success at work, etc. I will enjoy my activities again and I will search out new activities.

OK. That's it for the whinging and moaning.

In other news, I realized just now that I loathe Shan!a Twa!n music. They were playing it on public radio just now - I have no idea why - and it made me want to commit suicide! What horrible, horrible music!

Sure, she is a good hometown girl and a beautiful woman.

But my goodness does she mostly make terrible music.

No intention of offense to those who feel differently.

OK. Enough. I need to build my credibility by not writing so much in this diary. I need to go out and live and build. :)

That's it!

9:20 p.m. - 2008-01-27

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