enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Work saga day II, entry II: I've stopped eating. I should remedy that.

PS I won't be ranting on and on about work in future. I just needed to get that out today. I'm quite despairing that I'm in this situation, but despair provides the best impetus perhaps to work to live not live to work, and further crying over what I've lost isn't going to help matters.

For now I'm going to just tell myself quietly that I really only need to stay there for a year, i.e. only 363 more days, before it would be reasonable to transfer somewhere else. I can survive that.

So I'm going to try to cheer up and brighten up and imagine that things will get better. And maybe I'll even get some other beautiful, lovely things in my life and I will start to feel more fulfilled in ways that don't involve the 9 to 5.

I'm going to go and cry a bit now, but only in a totally reasonable and cathartic way. Just because you have to, sometimes. I'm just not in on this conspiracy of perpetual! optimism! and shining happiness!

And I must tell you that there is just a tiny bit of enfin that says - in light of rude people and snubs and so on - just wait and watch: EB is in the house...You can't quite crush EB. She will always come back stronger.

And one super- heartening thing that caused me to smile widely was this email that I received this afternoon from a former colleague: "So and so has moved into your office. She is all cornflakes. Whereas you are like getting lucky charms and fruit loops all in one grab! We miss you; it's not the same without you." :-))

I'm fruit loops!

And lucky charms!

8:07 p.m. - 2007-11-20

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