enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nothing much at all. I'm avoiding being miserable. I'm taking a detour from misery, so to speak.

I've been avoiding writing today, since I'm in kind of a low mental state regarding my job again.

I don't think it's productive to dwell.

And the following thought process is what I went through when I was leaving work today:

I've hit rock bottom.

Nice rock bottom, eb.

You have a 1) good job at a top institution (at least as far as the public service goes; 2) your health; 3) a 7 minute, on foot commute to work; 4) an apartment that you like; 5) friends; 6) nice people who treat you well both in real life and on the Internet; 7) reasonably good looks; 8) a bunch of basic skills and abilities that can translate into other things, other work, if this isn't the right job. :)

I mean, really, why do I focus on what I lack?

But I do, anyhow. I was initially thinking "Oh woe is me, I made the wrong job decision because my karma is bad and I deserve this because I am freezing my mother out of my life."

Seriously, such bad thinking.

I'm just so tired. I think I'm not perfectly well. I've had tired eyes and a weary head all week - I think my long walk on Sunday in the rain instigated some sinus trouble.

SO this evening I'm trying to do the equivalent of meditation. I went for a slow run with C. I talked on the phone with someone with whom I am going to see a movie tomorrow. (Unfortunately I think he likes me, although I have a convenient excuse to turn him down if he makes an "offer" - he's planning on moving back to the Czech Republic in the spring.) I'm making some pasta and I am going to zone out in front of the tv or possibly with a book. I got some new knitting patterns in the mail and I am going to look them over and think about making something cool for xmas.

THat's about it. I just need to turn my brain off, suck out all of the negativity. That's the plan, Stan. :)

I have nothing more insightful to say today.

Oh! I decided to buy the charcoal grey loveseat. Thanks, T! I"m going to go out to buy that this weekend, and also to buy a couple of bookcases, some new curtains, plants and pillows. I'm going to clean and beautify my apartment and thereby turn over a new leaf. It's time to take control. Which I suppose is really what all of the aforementioned was about: no more self pity. I have control over my life. :)

I just loathe self-pity -ultimately so pointless and wasteful. I can't respect myself if I sink into it.

9:35 p.m. - 2007-11-21

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell