enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Dribble drabble

So I've completely given up on these stupid men again, or at least I've shrugged them off. This is the healthiest approach.

Having been bedridden all weekend, I had seriously thought of calling in sick today. But what is the likelihood of that? I've taken one true sick day in my entire life (in 1995), and at that time I had a 104 degree fever and the flu; I left work because I thought I was going to die.

Honestly, I think that there is something to be said for not going to work and thereby not infecting everyone else, but I feel extremely guilty at even the thought of taking a sick day when not at death's door.

Anyhow. I got up this morning and of course I felt relatively good and so off to work I went.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning with my new quack. And in fact the second appointment was sOOOOO much better than the first--I actually liked him this time--that I was feeling much better after the appointment than before. :)

Always a good thing.

We're going to check out my gut, finally, just to be sure that it is not only the fridge. My back has been aching a little bit lately as well so I want to be sure that everything is in working order.

I could write more about the doc's appointment but that would be rather boring. I suppose the summary of it is that when I left the office I had a feeling of well-being rather than of uncertainty, and the warm October air (perfect, perfect weather--25 degrees at the high today with that lovely fall smell in one's nostrils) felt delightful on my skin.

Work today was good, too, surprisingly. I went over to Numbers Canada to do my data work and the lady who actually works hard at that centre had returned from her near-death experience and so my work could be completed expeditiously. I was happy not only on account of my work, but also simply because I like her and she is pleasant and she doesn't deserve to be ill.

At the data centre, I had a strange realization, however. This was that the centre is not only quiet as a pin--with only a few hunched-over men working in cubicles scattered through it--but that all of the blinds are drawn. I had not before noticed the degree to which the place is a cave. I was sitting at my computer, waiting for something to run, and I realized suddenly that there was sunlight just straining to come in through the closed blind at my window.

I did not dare open the blind, but I pulled it up and slid under it for a few moments, to take a quick peek over the west end of the city.

It's not a very impressive city--though you probably gleaned that from the nickname "THE BIG ZERO" that I have scattered through this diary at times :)--but it has its charm. To the west of Numbers Canada one can see the river stretching off into the distance, the Gatineau hills and their fall colours, and some pleasant residential neighbourhoods.

O. has a low skyline, which I always find pleasant. In my view today were mostly treetops and low houses peeking out from under the foliage here and there through the distance.

The thing that interested me today however was not the trees but rather the condo building that is located right next to the building in which the centre is currently located (just off the campus of Numbers Canada).

The condo building is like every other condo building, and so not to my taste: concrete and pink brick and something like green bar work and neat little balconies. But on one of the upper balconies I could see a Chinese woman standing in her bathrobe, phone cradled to her head.

I don't know exactly what it was about this image, but it reminded me of flying into the old airport in Hong Kong, when you would sweep as though directly into the mountain, so close to high-rise apartment buildings that you could see residents going about their business inside, and then turn sharply to descend to the airport. I flew into Hong Kong several times many years ago, and I suppose I never fully appreciated in at those moments. (So much like so much of life. Sigh.)

I think the thing that jarred me today is that the scene reminded me of living in South Korea, for example, but with all of the colour and chaos removed. Everything was so clean and almost sterile, all of the other balconies empty, the trees to the left and right taking over the landscape for the most part.

I don't know what is the message to take from this. Am I bored with Canada? Do I revel in the oasis of simplicity (sorry T, not for you ;) and calm that it provides? :)

I'm wanting a change. I don't mean an immediate change, but a medium to long-term change. I'm still in my search for meaning and purpose, and I haven't found it yet.

I was offered another job this afternoon. And actually it is a good offer, with a research focus. I might or might not take it. And that's not the point. The point is that gradually, incrementally, the winds of change I think will gradually swell and I will find my purpose, my passion again.

Who knows?

Oh oh oh. I have so much more to say--some of it profound, believe it or not ;)--but I must get ready as Claus is on his way over to drag me out on a run. It's his birthday, today. Happy Birthday, Super C!!!!

I do want to say though before I leave that--although I think I have a pretty entertaining if slightly intimidating online dating profile ;-)--I'd love a few good lines or sentiments to go in it. Any suggestions are welcome. Something that teranika mentioned yesterday made me think of this. (But don't waste your time on this unless something readily comes to mind.) I think I'm going to ask C. to write one for me, which should be interesting.

I can just see it:

"My friend S is a nice girl. She is very dependable and a good friend. She is also neat and tidy, and she is a relatively capable cook. And she looks not bad. At the same time, do not expect her to be organized. You may find it necessary to remind her to attend to administrative matters as in general she takes a cavalier attitude towards them.

She knows quite a bit about literature and poetry and history, particularly Canadian; she likes to draw, jump up and down, dance around her apartment to Spanish guitar music; and altogether she spends too much time on the Internet. Her knowledge of international politics and of matters of war could greatly use some upgrading. Do not dispute her on a math question--if she has given you an answer she will almost certainly frustrate you by being correct. And definitely do not lend her your books if you are fastidious--she will almost certainly take them to bed with her and bend the pages as she falls asleep on them whilst reading.

If you like to run she will be good for you as she can run with you and push you, although do not expect her to ever to be ready quickly when you decide that it is time to go. Oh, and she loves dogs. She also likes beer, but you should prevent her from drinking more than two pints as she is occasionally wont to do, as she is little and I don't think that it is good for her stomach.

The best thing about S for me has been that she has encouraged me to do things that never before would have done. I look at my pictures from the last seven years and realize that all of the interesting trips that I have taken have been taken because S cajoled me into getting onto the Internet and buying a plane ticket, or to take a detour--sometimes long--when in a car. Sometimes this makes her a pain in the butt, and although I argue with her until I am blue in the face that she is wrong, I must admit that she usually has a very good sense of direction. We've never run out of gas when together. The other surprising skill that she has is that she can size up distance and pace on foot to the metre and to the second. She's like a human pedometer.

The End.
C.
"

Seriously, I think that this is what C will write. It should be interesting to see what ACTUALLY comes out of his pen, if I can twist his arm into doing it. Of course none of that would get me a husband. :)

6:36 p.m. - 2007-10-01

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