enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I'm so tired of uncertainty. It's making me crazy. Bring on Roma...

You know, I always *thought* that I loved change. But actually, in fact, I hate it.

I'm feeling really unsettled.

My senior economist and I had to go over to the Line Dance department today to talk about a proposed tax measure...and because he doesn't want to be perceived as poaching me to that department, he had set it up so that these two guys would ambush me and invite me to an interview. So I had an interview with the Line Dance department today and they want me to interview with them again, and make up my mind quickly as to whether I want to move over there.

ACK.

I have to tell you that I don't really want to go there. It's physically an ugly and depressing department. I'd be stupid, however, not to go there if I get an offer. I can have a much, much, much better career there than I can in my chaotic department. It's a much more focused and stable place. And it's the heart of the nation. Many people have been saying to me in so many words lately, "You're too good. Get out. You deserve a good job."

And to top it off, my old boss from Distant Ill!cit Relationships emailed me from his Blackberry this afternoon to ask if I wanted to talk to him on the phone tonight to have him prep me for my upcoming interview with his department. It's crazy. But he hasn't called yet so I'm not sure if it's going to happen.

No worries though--I'm exhausted.

All of this potential change makes me feel really uneasy. I feel tired and stressed, particularly since I got little *real* work done today. It wasn't a productive day. And at the end of the day I was asked to do things that really didn't add up to much of anything. I feel sometimes as though people think I'm doing nothing. And in a way, it's true--at the end of the day I fielded emails from the woman upstairs in my department who wants to hire me. It's like one long job interview at the moment. :(

I so need a vacation, a rest. Even a sick day would be good at this point.

I shouldn't sound so gloomy. I just wish I felt better about where I am, what I'm doing.

And I had a cookie for dinner, when I got home from work at 8 p.m. It was dark out when I left the office. :(

Better hunker down as tomorrow must be more of a serious, committed day at work. Hopefully the statistical results that I ran yesterday will come in tomorrow and I will be able to commit them to paper. I just can't stand not having "output."

I'm too picky, I know. I really do need a rest. It's time.

9:15 p.m. - 2007-10-02

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