enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Still living a lacklustre life, I'm afraid. :)

OK. So I know that I should keep on writing to keep myself honest and moving forward--into and around a sense of normality--but I have been LAZY today.

I have that sluggishness that attends when one is fighting a cold or a sinus infection. I was dead lethargic today, from start to finish. I even fell asleep on C.'s sofa after we cooked dinner (and he was doing the dishes, heh).

So, generally, it was another wasted day. The world was moving about me and I barely left the house or did anything productive.

I tell myself that I was preserving myself for work tomorrow. And I AM planning to join the canoe club after work on Wednesday night. Tomorrow will be the start of being a new me.

C. pointed out to me this evening in his frustration with my moping over my lack of connectedness with the world at large that I can't exactly change the fact that I am an introvert by nature overnight. Ohew. Long sentence.

And C., of course, is correct. I am in introvert, in the truest sense. Until I started feeling consciously guilty about my private endeavours of the weekend I spent a gleeful morning in bed with a book...

I'm an introvert who needs a cure.

Speaking of introverts, I met someone new last night--a colleague of C's. She told me that she has made a conscious effort to be more outgoing as it makes her feel a bit happier. My cure in a nutshell. Now I need to follow through.

Why is it so difficult for me to follow through??

So I feel terrible for having canceled a meeting with Ava to go to the bookstore this evening. I canceled this afternoon as I was feeling tired. I'm a terrible, inconsistent friend in some ways.

OK. No more self-flagellation this evening.

Last night C. and I did meet up with a couple of other people to attend the festivities on Parliament Hill and to watch the evening's fireworks.

Parliament Hill was crazy.The crowd was controlled and relaxed but thick like molasses, and lawn chairs and crazy Canadian flag beanies were everywhere. When we arrived at 9 p.m. a pop-gospel sort of performer was on stage and the atmosphere was pretty lively. I convinced the group to walk towards the stage. And then Fe!st came on! I was rather pleased that we hadn't missed the headliner after all. And she was wearing a gold dress, rather adorably.

The thing was though that they no longer permit people to walk around behind the Parliament Buildings to view the fireworks from the cliff's edge, which I discovered when I approached the security guards at the gate parallel to the stage. I mean, when is there ever a fence on Parliament Hill? Gone are the days when an honest but angry citizen could walk up and pie the Prime Minister as he entered the buildings, I guess! What kind of a Canada remains! Which brings me exactly to my next point: I figured that it was a decision made in the interests of crowd control, but someone mentioned terrorism and I suppose that that is the correct answer.

In spite of living in the capital I absolutely never even entertain the thought of terrorism. It just doesn't register. It never would have occurred to me in a million years that this could be a good reason to shut down access to the backside of Parliament. So it's good that I have friends to keep me grounded in reality. Sort of. :)

In my defense, however, this kind of thinking is what being a statistician by profession does to a person. I mean, everything is a careful calculation. And most things aren't worth worrying about.

Although honestly I suspect that I'm simply too lazy to worry about threats to my person...so I'll get off my high horse now. :)

So the big thing that I felt when I discovered that we were unable to take a spot overlooking the river behind Parliament was massive disappointment. We had to descend the hill to another park, around which they'd erected a fence obliterating the view of the river.

So we joined a herd of people sitting in a grassy valley below the art gallery. The view of the actual fireworks in the sky was great but I felt seriously disconcerted that I was effectively sitting in a pen.

And, really, wouldn't this just make us all sitting ducks in the event of a terrorist attack, anyhow?

I seriously don't regularly think about these things.

And I will think of them no longer.

The funny thing is that we would have missed finding the valley of fireworks observers had I not suggested that we walk to the far perimeter of the park. And when we reached the crest of the hill overlooking the grassy spot it was rather eerie to see hundreds of people seated on the ground facing the hidden river, many of them adorned with either lit red devil horns or those light strings that they sell at amusement parks. C. joked that it was likely Stephen Harper's speech of the previous day that had inspired people to sit there waiting for the second coming... :D

Precisely my thought. :D I mean, Stephen Harper can say whatever he likes. And whatever he says that is unlikely to decrease the likelihood that he will get a majority in the next election--or reelected at all--is totally fine by me.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh I am so unamusing today. As I have been of late. I really am quite a funny person normally! Sadly, I've had the feeling that Larry somehow killed much of my humour. I just don't have my "sparkles" these days.

Did I mention that a French Canadian guy recently asked me out with the following ADORABLE line: "So maybe we won't have any sparkles but we can at least enjoy a day and not look at couples on the street. And we can dip our toes in the water while sipping some Sangria." (Dipping my toes i into the Ottawa River whilst drinking anything is a mildly unappealing thought, but I digress.)

OK. I really should sign out. I have two movies due back tomorrow that I have not watched and against my better judgment I am going to watch one of them instead of going to sleep to prepare for work tomorrow. My excuse is the nap that I took earlier at C.'s. :)

Cheerio.

10:06 p.m. - 2007-07-02

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