enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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It's Canada Day. Oh well. This too will pass. ;)

I haven't been writing lately, obviously. But I've been waiting for normality to return so that I can commence a new, more fruitful discussion with myself.

And to make it fun!

I'm not *great* at the moment, but I'm gradually clawing my way back to my version of "normal."

I really crashed and burned a couple of weeks ago. Thinking about it with a clear head, though, it would seem that I've been in crash mode for a few months now. It's difficult to believe that the thing with L ended five months ago. I've spent too much time dwelling on it; I should have let go a long time ago. It triggered something awful in me, however, and matched with the job stresses and so on it was too much to take.

So now all I'm doing is focusing on working well and on putting the supports in place so that I will not crash in the same way again. It feels good to have the power to do this. I'll be OK.

The trick is that I want to be *better* than OK.

C. is in Ottawa. This helps. We went grocery shopping tonight and he had a laugh over my excitement at finding and buying millet puffs to put in my muesli. Small things get me excited these days. I imagine it is what a life without sex and one spent fiddling with microdata does to a person. :)

We also watched a movie and at one point started dancing whilst seated in our chairs. Just like old times.

It's good to be stupid with a friend again.

Ah I'm tired. It's late. I should sign out. I'll write more tomorrow.

1:44 a.m. - 2007-07-01

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