enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah well.

If you're at all interested in food, this is very cool. I must do it, when I go to visit Sabrina sometime:

Grimod's Paris

Love it.

Well, the Bulgarian film at the festival last night was...terrible. Fun to do something different, though, and I went to see the Belgian film beforehand which wasn't great but was enjoyable.

There was a reception after the Belgian film to which I didn't go. This was a bit stupid as there was a rather chic man who seemed to be interested in me when I arrived at the screening. I wasn't feeling very attractive yesterday, however - my hair was kind of all over the place and my face felt stretched. I'd used an eye makeup remover earlier in the day that seemed to irritate my eyes and the skin of my face. Has that ever happened to you? I hate that feeling. It made me feel weary and tight around the eyes all day.

Anyhow. Stupid me. Aren't I incredibly stupid??? I will never meet anyone, if I don't try.

Still, it tends to be difficult to meet people, even at these receptions. People come in couples or groups, and they often simply take a drink and talk only to their companion(s). I've tried initiating conversation with people before about the film just shown, but the conversation often falls flat and ends quickly. I don't know if it's that I'm incompetent and can't do this, or if people here simply don't like that.

I have a similar experience at work. I went to the work social on Friday, which I haven't done recently, and I had a series of awkward conversations. I don't know if I'm an idiot who tries to have too much fun, but everyone is so. serious.

First, I talked to a chief about his upcoming vacation plans. And everything turned to a discussion NOT of what he might do when he goes to Europe, but to what the lovernment might do in advance of that or around that, which would I imagine affect when he goes on holiday, although that was not the topic of discussion and why do I care at the end of Friday afternoon about various scenarios of government strategy? Try pulling out your crystal ball, dude - you're going to get just about as good of an answer as to the government's mood on the economy in four months.

And then I had a chat with a guy about the elephant video display that has just gone up at the national gallery. I asked him if it was an African or an Asian elephant subject. He said it was probably African, since Asian elephant females don't have tusks. And so I said, "Well then I'd definitely want to be an African elephant." (I tend to end up in this mode when people are too. serious. I realize it's silly, but I mean...I'm stretching to have a conversation with you, dude.) So the guy said, without breaking a smile, that that would raise my risk profile. Um, yeah, but seriously, dude, I was just joking around, and you're only 24 and might actually pretend on occasion to be lighthearted.

I won't repeat the other conversations. I suspect that I should tone myself down and always keep my professional face on display.

Yeah, I don't know. I suppose I should stop being so analytical and instead expect absolutely nothing from people.

Anyhow. I've been entertaining myself by reading. Reading is reliable. Reading never disappoints. That will have to be enough in O-town.

Plants in one's apartment are also reliable. This guy has flowered for the first time in two years.

You can probably tell that I am a bit frustrated this weekend. But my period is due shortly and so I'll let it go. Also, each time I enter my apartment I feel happy and grateful to have such a lovely space.

Yeah. I think that's it. I'm going to enjoy Sunday with a book and my knitting and probably a walk to the market.

I think this week I am going to find some additional volunteer work, sign up for a drawing class for the winter, and contact that History professor at OU who could potentially supervise the re-energizing of my dissertation. I wish I could do the work in Europe, instead, but my data is all North American. I haven't figured out yet how I could possibly morph it into something else.

Otherwise, I'm going to work even harder on my French. I've kind of let that slide recently. My class is fun and I really like the people in it, but they are not very strong, even though they have the "bilingual" qualification (which tells you something about the system, and by the way I STILL haven't received the bilingual bonus that I earned as of June 24...payroll, payrolll...= frustration) and so my French is not improving. I feel badly about changing classes, but I think I'm going to have to move to a class with more advanced people in it. This might mean, unfortunately, moving to C's class.

Sorry - this was a ramble. I don't know how to explain it, but I think I'm going to have to choose between sinking further into my individual pursuits, and adopting some interests that aren't really mine and trying to join some social groups.

10:26 a.m. - 2009-11-22

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

other diaries:

stepfordtart
ohell
awittykitty
annanotbob
manfromvenus
smartypants
fifidellabon
hungryghost
hissandtell