enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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F--k mornings

You know, I have GOT to shut down writing entries like last night's.

Negative thoughts are all created.

Yes, the odds of finding the life that I want here are very low. But they are not ZERO! If anyone can do it, Super EB can!

Yes!

Just need to keep the brain flipped on the positive switch.

I really wish I understood why I am not a morning person. I ate well last night, hydrated, went to bed on time, slept 8 hours...and STILL I feel as though I was hit over the head with a frying pan.

I don't think it's that my sleep quality is poor. I don't seem to snore at all and if I get my 8 hours then by noon or so I am feeling terrific. At night I am the energizer bunny. But mornings! UGH! Mornings! I struggle to even get dressed. I look in the mirror and think, "EEK! How did my hair get that flat and ugly? How did I get that pale?"

Yes. It is not pretty. Mornings are bad. And I WANT to get up and run in the mornings - intellectually, anyhow - but that would be HELL! I've never felt good running in the mornings and these days I can't even drag myself out of bed. Just try me when it's dark outside.

It's a good thing that I have a flexible job and get to start marginally after 9 a.m.

Oy.

So I've decided that this week I need to do a few things that are out of character. The only way to get out of this rut of not meeting people is to step out of the rut! I must force myself to do things differently than I usually do.

Yes!

Of course I won't do it, but my intentions are good. :)

I don't know what I'm afraid of, though...some of the dullest men in Canada live here. Maybe I'm afraid of dying of despair as person after person can't hold up his end of the conversation. :) I realized yesterday that since I have been in Ottawa - nearly THREE YEARS - I have not met one man who asked me an interesting question about myself. They all just talk about themselves! I don't think they know any interesting questions! :) Don't you think that is a good criterion by which to judge men? Question asking, that is? I must except the journalist in this, as at least he did ask me if I had an "Italian moment" of note. *I* fucked that one up by drawing a deep breath and thinking of Marco. It took me by suprise. Maybe THAT's why men don't ask interesting questions.

Speaking of good questions...I have an old friend called Nic who always used to say to me that she kept people around her who asked interesting questions that got her thinking about situations in new ways. It was how she recognized a friend. I think this philosophy is rather sound.

Well, I'm kind of awake now. And I LOVE the outfit I've chosen. Black, fitted button down and white pencil skirt with highish waist, black faux-croc pumps. Nice. And of course, pearls. Best gift I ever bought myself is my pearl earrings. 5 mm. Very ladylike. :) Have a GREAT day!

Turn that frown upside down!

(I'm trying.)

XO

8:41 a.m. - 2009-09-09

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