enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Running off to the bike shop, oh my!

Well, the computer turned on this morning, with no lingerie purchases needed. (I don't really have any lingerie, anyhow.)

So...I feel a bit better, though still not 100%. I'm not sure if it's fear over the arm being so fragile, or if I picked up a virus. I did feel on Thursday as though I was getting a sinus cold, and there has apparently been a stomach virus going around. I have also obviously been overworking this week. I was frequently in the office until 10 p.m. I have to go in again today for at least 3-4 hours, but then I think I will have everything under control. There are major deliverables to go out early this coming week and unfortunately I'm the only one who can finish them.

SO, whatever. My boss suggested yesterday that I might be able to take Thursday off to compensate. That would be nice. I'd take Thursday AND Friday, but my French class is on Fridays. I do hate to miss my French training. It is a privilege to have that paid as a part of my job.

So...the arm. It really shocked me yesterday, when they took the cast off. It feels so weak and vulnerable. Of course the cast was only on for three weeks so the arm is still broken. The splint that I have now is looser and will enable me to shower more easily, etc. It's a good approach. As long as I have the splint on the arm feels safe, but when I take it off and try to rotate it or move the hand I feel pains shooting up my arm. It's creepy. I can already see where the muscles of the hand have atrophied.

When I broke my foot - although those were stress fractures and not full breaks - ten years ago, the experience was much less traumatic. That is kind of strange as at the time I was dependent upon my feet for my livelihood (running support and income). I was also traumatized by not being able to run. When I was able to run three months later I remember how GLORIOUS it felt. I went out at night and ran on the soft grass in my favourite little park. It felt like I was flying. I took off my shoes.

This feels much worse. I feel like an old lady. In fact, this is teaching me that it IS worse to hurt yourself as you get older. I think that the awareness of your own fragility as a human being in a body becomes acute. I don't like the fact that my wing feels incredibly fragile and vulnerable to assault. I am right-handed, too, of course.

So that's the psychological state of affairs in my world.

Last night I went to the ballet. Sigh. If I were rich I would buy a ticket and go back again tonight. It was beautifully staged and the dancing was outstanding. Some of the sequences by Giselle and her god-like Count (oh my lord bring on the long-legged studmeister Latin ballet dancers any day) were otherworldly.

I was thinking as I watched the performance that if I have one regret it's that I never trained to be a ballet dancer. :) I know that it's a risky trade - injuries and all - but I can't imagine anything more lovely than being able to ply your art - a physical one at that - accompanied by a full orchestra and then gracefully bowing with giant bouquets of flowers once it's all over. Ah sigh.

That's the sad thing. When you get over a certain age you realize more and more all of the things that you will NEVER get a chance to do. I'm really uncomfortable with that.

Oh! Super news. The super BLUEY bicycle is FINALLY ready from the shop. The part on warranty finally came in. I can either go and get it today myself and carry it on one arm - carbon fibre, thank you - or wait for C. to come and carry it tomorrow. C's away on a guy's weekend at the moment. I don't want to wheel it home because I don't want to get snow and salt all over the wheels.

So...shaping up to be a decent weekend, if I can get this rotten work bit out of the way. (And if C. gets back home in time tomorrow we are going to go for a run together or possibly even snowshoeing!!)

Have a good one. Hope the sun is shining where you are.

Oh! I ordered some yarn from my favourite yarn place in Wales. I am going to make a cute lilac cardigan for work and another top. I just love to knit. It's also much cheaper for the quality than to buy. I love having something that I made with my own hands.

9:48 a.m. - 2009-02-28

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