enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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It IS a divine comedia!

ACK! So I went to the pub tonight for dinner. My favourite pub. Not sure exactly why.

I had gone out to buy a copy of Ulysses and the book shop had a sign on it: "Open by chance or by appointment," so that was the end of that. (Chance was not mine this evening. :))

SOOOOOO....I had a nice dinner. I suppose it was that I didn't feel like cooking. And I also indulged in a Guinness. I need to have another gluten test this week and frankly I really don't think that my problem is gluten.

I think, frankly, that my problem has been job dislike. I've been stressed. And the s.e. thing and all has just compounded it. But all of that is within my control.

So I was reading Rusk!n at the pub. I had thrown him into my purse. For some reason I love the fact that he was completely inconsistent. I read once that he was more of a poet than a critic. I believe that. Besides, like me, he has only a very loose grasp of punctuation! :)

Ha.

SO I was sitting in the pub - and believe me I was not drunk - and I wrote down this: "I don't know why or when but I believe that I have decided to move to Europe."

In any event I believe that I have decided to move. And if I had to guess, I would guess that I will end up going back to school to study something else, only for the first time in my life something about which I am completely and utterly gobsmacked and passionate. I'm not sure where or when but I am pretty sure that it won't be here.

I'm becoming some sort of a soothsayer, non?

I just know. I know things about myself that I didn't know before, and they feel more like stable plans than random wishes. I really can't do this job for another 30 years. We knew that, didn't we? And this town is just too...leadenly predictable for me. I am not inspired. I am not inspired.

Soo...that is not to disparage anyone. Perhaps I will go around the world a la TS El!ot and end up coming back to plant myself in a garden here in the Big O, and will "know the place for the first time." ;-)

Well, one never does know.

I wrote down some pretty quotes but I will not bore you with them. OK, I'll bore you with one:

"There is nothing that I tell you with more eager desire that you should believe...than this, that you never will love art well, till you love what she mirrors better."

(Rusk!n)

11:02 p.m. - 2008-06-14

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