enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Just a weird entry from me.

This is going to be a weird entry. I've been thinking. Actually, I've been cleaning my apartment and thinking. I really don't know how my apartment gets to be so disgusting without my noticing it. I just wake up sometimes and realize that I feel trapped - that I can't actually DO anything in my space - and that it is therefore time to make it fresh and open. I don't know how it got so messy in the four weeks since I returned from Italia!

I mean, there was no way that I could have seated myself at my table to draw, given the piles of clutter on it. I have a nice vase of pink peonies on it instead now, and my drawing books laid out. Wish I didn't have a headache. I think it's a stress headache.

So I was thinking about how stupid are accidents such as the one that I had the other night. When I was all woozy in the middle of the night on Wednesday and thinking of calling C. and asking him to rush over, I thought, "How stupid! How stupid to do this to myself!"

Just a month ago I was all ready and fresh and prepared from my epiphany in Italy to start fresh and really enjoy my life, move forward. So I looked at those self-portraits that I took on that day - you've seen one of them - and whilst I can see a bit of the fatigue and tinge of sadness in my face, otherwise I look healthy and ready to go. It's amazing how quickly it could all be taken away. It's all so lovely and precious.

So the following photos are for me to celebrate my health and happiness going forward, and also to remind myself never to lose that little girl inside! I can't believe it but my hair has grown so much in the last month - it's even more crazy now. Oh, and I took a TON of pictures of bicycles in Italy, so one of those precedes the others. Incidentally, I watched The Bicycle Thief on the plane. Have you seen it? Great Italian neo realismo, I think.

Here goes:

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1:15 p.m. - 2008-06-14

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