enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Truly disappointed in people who have no pride or scruples

You know, the dominant feeling that I have at the moment is that I am so disappointed in people.

It's sort of a non-specific disappointment, since there's no important person in my life who has recently disappointed me.

It's just the general feeling that people do not have high standards! They do not even attempt to have high principles. Mostly.

I don't know what more to say about this. I just sigh sometimes, when I think about how shameless many people can be.

Sort of but only slightly related is the story of the friend with whom I had brunch today. I really like this guy. He's a great guy. Unfortunately he is brilliant and yet tragically - as he is the first to admit - lazy. He's one of the laziest men whom I have ever met. Which is why I could never date him, even though he is otherwise eminently dateable. He's also planning to move back to Europe soon. Alas. I suppose I could marry him, get my EU passport and move to Europe, and then carry on a series of torrid affairs with ambitious men who otherwise have serious commitment problems. Hmm...

The world is a lazy place sometimes.

I don't know exactly what I'm saying.

Oh! I know someone who has disappointed me recently. The poet scientist, for all of his high fallutin' principles has proven that he is...just a man.

When first I mentioned the charity event to him he told me to count him in. After we had that conversation in which I told him that I would not be having children - to deflect any flirtation he might have intended whilst the girlfriend in whom he is truly not interested but dates out of comfort is away - he said that "he'd check his calendar."

The tickets have been bought and the event is in a week and a half, and I still haven't heard from him.

This really irks me. It irks me because he's always going on about how other people don't have standards. He knows and I know that he's been lying to me - and to himself - all year. He's not all noble and disinterested. He wants/wanted something just like everyone else in the world. Only he wasn't big enough to be honest about it.

I'm so annoyed that I almost feel like strikign him from my friends list. What a wanker. I mean, how do you get to be almost 40 and unable to say, "Look, I have rethought it and realized that I don't want to go to the charity event, for personal reasons"? THAT would have been classy.

As it is, no class. I tell you, he has no class. NEXT.

This reminds me of the guy who was interested in me once and who was part of my running group. One weekend he had invited me to go to a race with him. I waited on my porch for him to show up and he never did. We had had a conversation the week before, of course, in which I had said that I liked him but not romantically. And instead of calling to tell me that he wouldn't be picking me up, even though he'd said we could be friends (and I'd never flirted with him or done anything improper at all), he made me sit there like an idiot.

Honestly, I hate the gutless stupidity of people. It's not as though I expected him to run into enemy fire.

People are sad abridgements of what they might be.

But I am not going to be such a person. I will strive not to be. I will be honest and fair, to whatever degree I possibly can be, even to my own detriment.

UGH! I feel like taking out ad space and putting a directive in the paper: People, grow some balls, please!

Anyhow. I just bought some lovely parmigiano reggiano! I'm going to make a basil-y pasta-y thing of some kind. I'll have to let my imagination go to work. I want to start making my own pasta again, but I need to get down to the market to buy some expensive-ish pasta grade flour. With all of the snowfall that we've had this winter and with the beginning of melting that occurred last week prior to the refreeze, the sidewalks are now all littered with extensive lava-like ice formations. It's difficult enough to get to the corner let alone to the market without taking a header. And I'm just not in the mood. :)

I'm quite happy, in spite of my seeming crotchety-ness. I heard a woman on the radio yesterday advocating occasional kvetching. This fits in well with my allegiance to the Against Happiness crowd. :) I mean, I'm not against happiness. But I am against the idea that one must always be neutered and falsely, blindly gleeful. I'm gleeful enough by nature, thank you very much. And besides, the tyranny of positive thinking must be stopped else some of the most beautiful things in life will fall away in pieces, lost.

OK. I go to mange.

I have not one but TWO Easter feasts in the next two days! I'm kind of excited. Tomorrow's will be special. M. is cooking a seafood feast. I bought a bottle of Chilean white wine today to bring along with the girl-treat baskets and plants. I'll be the Easter bunny! I wish I could say that it is good wine that I bought, but I'm afraid that I know you-know-what-all about wine. It's rude for me to say it but I am afraid that I have not developed my connoiseur's muscle as of yet. Laziness on my part, entirely. I think that my palate is not terrible. Oh well! No worries. Happy Easter!

7:44 p.m. - 2008-03-22

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