enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I'll karate kick you if you call me chicka. :) But please do forgive me for a soddenly "banal" entry.

Kind of a banal day.

Incidentally, before I go on, B. informed me that one of the readers of the last paper I wrote before I left that job - a guy who makes 100k a year and whom everyone terms as useless - had an interesting review to offer. His review apparently consisted of exactly one very helpful sentence: "It's OK except it's kind of banal."

Ha ha ha ha.

Sometimes banality is exactly the point.

Anyhow. I don't care.

I'm holidaying in grand style. I actually managed to make and consume shortbread with ingredients in the correct proportions. I've made tuna melts and roasted potatoes. I think I'll next make some spanakopita.

I need to think about whether or not to go to a movie tonight. I sort of lack the energy and my motivation is weak. I figure though that allowing myself to completely grind to a halt can only be a good thing.

I sat pretty much all day at my computer, listening to the radio. I read the newspaper online. I drank coffee, when I remembered in mid-afternoon to make it.

I had thought about writing something in this diary, but frankly I felt no urge. I'm not sure that I have much of interest to say. I've been turning some thoughts over in my head oh-so-slowly, and they hardly seem to merit a forum.

One thing I thought this afternoon was "DAMN I don't have my copy of Dani3l D3ronda here." This shouldn't surprise me. I'm likely to never see my books again. But let's just leave that alone. I will rebuild my library.

I thought quite a bit about - or rather imagined - my apartment as I will gradually decorate it. I have truly decided on the dark grey loveseat. (C. wants to buy it for me for xmas, but I'm resisting his expenditure.) I have also firmly decided on the yellow curtains, although I can't find any to buy. I'm furthermore going to go for the colourful pillows. (A dreamy online trip to Calyps0 had me thinking further about this. Why don't I live in NYC?)

Actually, I realized that I should simply invest in a sewing machine. I used to sew everything, but I haven't done any sewing since the mid-1990s. No reason not to start, and for sure it would be a more econmical approach to many things. I used to be so quirky - I once made a suit jacket out of damask upholstery fabric that I found in a textile milll outlet.

Let the creative juices flow again! (I'm thinking creative on the scale of the guy from Montreal who yesterday sold a 2m snowbank on ebay for $2500+, since he was sick of snow snow removal...)

So I'm envisioning a dark grey sofa, some wood, white walls and lovely yellow and gold accents, maybe some differently coloured pillows (jewel tones, maybe), ferns. Me like. Spare but with a punches of colour. And of course many, many bookcases to give it a homey feel.

I'm very trendy, non? :)

So that was it for decorating. I have visualized it concretely so now I know that I'm committed. I go through a slow process of moving towards things and then finally one day I crack. The action takes place very soon after.

Another thing that I did this afternoon was take myself off the online dating site. I'd just had one too many guys write to me something like "Hey chicka, I can light your Christmas fire. Hubba hubba."

Puuuuhhhhlleeeeaaaase. (Talk about banal.)

I might just get myself a st3pford wife instead. ;-)

The other, related thing that I thought about this afternoon was how irritated I was feeling with women posing for photographs with their asses in the air, licking their lips, their cleavage squeezed together.

I'm just generally feeling annoyed with the world, I suppose. And I don't know about you but I sorely doubt that a bunch of half-naked models represent the 100 sexiest women on earth, in this great holiday wrap up of the miracle that was 2007. As much as anything it makes me pissed off at women for buying into this bullshit. And please do put some clothes on. Snark. Snark. I know, take a chill pill.

Yeah, I'm bitter.

And repulsed. And tired. I feel the angry feminist in me being reborn! (My crazy auntie whose books all bear pictures or sketches of phalli would indubitably be proud!)

Actually, simply and understandably, it feels to me sometimes as though one has to work just a little bit too hard in order to be treated with respect. I'm weary of this.

I should wrap up. I'm being a pill. And I don't have anything particularly astute or helpful to add.

You may have heard of this, amid the excitement of Tony Bl@ir's conversion to Cath0licism. :-)

Incidentally, someone actually used the word fey in conversation with me last night. I was delighted. Seriously, there are so many words that should simply not be permitted to fall out of regular use.

C. called. We're going to see Jun0. I'm not terribly thrilled, but it will probably be cute and it will get me out of my apartment. I think that that's a good thing.

I genuinely am one cross old spinster lady.

5:24 p.m. - 2007-12-22

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