enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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It's a beautiful day!

Aren't holidays FANTASTIC?

I feel like a new person.

Which essentially means a non-Line-Dance person.

I'm free.

C. and I went to the theatre hoping to see Jun0 last night, but the listings online for this theatre were incorrect. As a result we ended up seeing Death at a Fun3ral. Slight but mildly diverting. And we had a nice walk to the theatre and back. All good.

I'm quite proud of C., although I understand that he is on tenterhooks at the moment. He finally submitted a draft of the last paper of his dissertation last week - at my absolute insistence, on pain of death- but it remains to be seen whether he can improve the paper and have it finally accepted in time to meet his February deadline.

It will be very, very sad if C. is not able to finish his Ph.D. I realize that it will be his own fault entirely if it all goes awry, but I still hope for the best. Last night we discussed an extension to the paper that his supervisor has already asked him to do, and I hope that he can execute that successfully this week.

I don't talk about this much, but one of the issues in our relationship is that I'm not very successful at convincing C. to do his work. He's the most stubborn man in the world. Either that or he does not respect my opinion.

C. always leaves everything to the last minute, is always late. He has quite a bit of talent but one would often not know it as a result of his inability to motivate himself.

This summer when he started his job here in Ottawa, we knew that he would have to finish his research at the same time. He had already done a first attempt at the final paper, and his deadline was always Feb. '08.

But instead of working on the paper - in spite of my constant efforts to convince him not to leave it to the end -he instead obsessed over not one but two girls of interest to him, played soccer AND football, went to all of the social gatherings of his cohort.

I understand the need to have fun. Truly, I do. But I wanted things not to come to the point that they have now, which is hanging in the balance.

In many ways C. is at the mercy of his supervisor. It will be very, very sad if his work is rejected in the end after so much time spent on the degree. To be honest, however, I think that there is a better than minute possibility that this will be the case. Sometimes I don't know what to do with C.

I realize that as a person who dropped her thesis altogether two years ago I have little capital on this matter.:)

That's about it.

I opened my "Mod2rn Greek" cookbook on inspiration by teranika, and my goodness does EVERYTHING look tasty. I'm confused now as to what to make. I have a GIGANTIC bin of spinach in the fridge, however, so I imagine that the spanikopita will win out. I have five hours of phyllo thawing in which to cement this decision. :)

That's it. I need coffee. I feel such peace and happiness in the civilisation of this holiday. I have a beautiful stack of books to read. I have two sweaters to knit. I have a clean apartment. I am listening to a delightful edition of the Sunday Edition...It's lovely.

I sat in my arm chair last night (still really, really need to get out and buy that loveseat), and thought about how much more conscious I need to be in my life when January inevitably comes. I am healthy, employed, vigorous. I have SOOO much. I really do. I'm enormously wealthy. It's an offense not to enjoy and appreciate it. All of the petty bothers in my daily life are forgettable. The choice to have a good and happy attitude is all mine.

It's raining today though. I think I can be grumpy about that. Freezing rain is melting away some of the beautiful snow. :(

Listening now to yet *another* radio piece about reading. Seems that there is an obsession these days with the experience of reading. The argument in general seems to be that reading doesn't liberate, improve, educate, or save a person. What is does is offer a personal retreat in which a person can come to know him or herself, a retreat in which the intellect interacts with the imagination.

Yes, I think. Reading is a private retreat in which it is sanctioned to be with just oneself.

Another aside: Someone pointed out to me recently that a good way to shape one's life, to guide its direction, is to think forward five years, say, and write down what you think your life will look like at that point.

I can't even decide on the type of boyfriend I'd like to have two weeks from now! :) I'm joking. I think. I may try a list projecting forward a couple of years at least. It could be a useful exercise for me. I've been doing it to some degree, already, as lately I've been trying to imagine my life without children. I think it's helpful to face the various possibilities that may be realized.

This is all over the map. The radio piece on reading is finishing up. One of the commentators has the same favourite -return to -reading list that I do (Middlem@rch, Four Quart3ts, etc.). Recently when listening to these readers' panels it seems that these readers- mostly professors and authors- admit to also spending more and more time REreading favourite books rather than trying new ones. I've felt guilty for this affliction. But one does not want to be disappointed. That says something about me, I think.

And PS I'd like to take this opportunity to wish everyone who is celebrating a happy, healthy and beautiful holiday. I've deeply cherished meeting many interesting, kindly, witty and wise people online! OK. I'm off. Cheerio!

11:01 a.m. - 2007-12-23

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