enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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No vacations this year after all, I suspect :)

So I just bought an expensive bike!

Well they have to assemble it for me and I get to pick it up on Thursday. It's so light and so beautiful and I am going to be SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FAST.

YAYYYYYYYYYY

That conversation last night had a huge impact on me. I've been thinking about this and that lately--buying a bike or not, taking an art course or not...

And I've decided to do both!

I WILL wait until September or the cool October weather before I take the drawing course. But it will happen.

I've decided that saving money for a house is one thing, but creating a REAL life for myself by taking action is the essential thing.

All of the advice and counsel from others can't do half the good that I can do myself by taking my strong, healthy body and good, adventurous spirit out into the world to be...whatever I want.

Last night was a good night. I heard from my married guy friends that they all think of me as quite attractive--based on the way that I carry myself. I heard that they enjoy talking with me, which I had always known, of course. And I heard that they respect me for the dignity with which I've picked myself up time and time again.

So their gifts to me were many. And these gifts gave me the power that I needed to go out and take the risk of feeling stupid in a sport in which I have literally no experience.

Day by day I'm going to work towards a healthy, non-workaholic :) life. (MY GOD I have been working too much lately, and when work becomes life...)

This bike purchase of course means that I will not be getting a dog in the near future. I regret this. But on balance I think that the dog would be too much responsibility for me right now, and also too likely to incline me to spending a great deal of time without the company of other human beings...as usual.

It also, as mentioned in the subject line, means that I will likely not be taking an overseas vacation in the next month or two. I spent some time online this morning looking at flights, and listened to my friend encouraging me to take that trip to Paris, last night. But the thing was that I've traveled so much already and I really want to travel in the future when I don't necessarily have to go alone. I mean, I love traveling on my own. And I don't think I'll ever lose that. It's just that I've been feeling so fundamentally lonely lately that going away and doing just what I've always done--plant myself in a major city and visit art galleries, draw-- would probably prove less than completely fulfilling at this time. Ah, who knows. I may change my mind in short order. But I simply don't feel much like sitting in cafes on the other side of the world by myself at the moment. On the other hand, I've been looking into going away on a volunteer vacation with Volunt33rs for Peace, or some such organization. In the winter, perhaps.

There's so much in life to do. :)

Next stop: cross-country ski racing... :D

5:58 p.m. - 2007-07-21

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