enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I wish that this blueberry tea contained alcohol, as it should. Have you ever tried that drink? Mmm..

So I'm still dwelling excessively in my apartment. :)

I keep on coming home--or at least leaving work at 6--full of vigour and hoping to work..and then losing steam after I get here. I find it difficult to shift gears in my apartment from sloth to productivity.

I ate WAY too much chocolate over the course of the last three days. AND I bought a slice of cake at lunch today.

I guess that my body is making up for the fast of the last few weeks.

So I have a promising date for Friday night. I'll admit that I posted a new online profile a couple of days ago. Unenthusiastically. But it's quite amazing what you'll reel in with a tiny bit of bait. And what is up with those professors??? I have not mentioned once in my profile that I am somewhat academic in orientation but they pounce on me. This time the standout is a Professor of Ecology who is theatrical performer at night. This guy does so many things--according to his profile--that I suspect he might be a bit overwhelming. Who knows.

Enough about that. I'm panicking about work, a little bit. I believe that my boss might have been contacted for a reference for that job that I interviewed for last week. He's so moody and uncommunicative in general though--and has been in and out of the office for the last few days--so I can't get a read on it. I know that he has been trying to take steps to retain me--and he's worried about my projects being completed by my departure date--so I can understand that he perceives this as a move against him in some way or another. I tried to explain to him though that I *need a guarantee* or I am going to have a nervous breakdown. :)

I realize that I want one thing and only one thing in my life right now: stability.

I know that I've said this before but all roads lead to this. I've chased shifting sand for my entire life, since I was raised on shifting sand (my mother is selling her house and planning to move yet elsewhere as I write this; well, actually, she is hurtling down the highway in the stupid truck that they just purchased (I'm so embarrassed by them) to reach Florida before Friday when apparently they begin a woodworking course of some kind. Sigh.), and all I want now is bedrock. Seriously, bedrock.

Of course I want to fly away from my bedrock every now and then to do fanciful things with my awesome lover that involve painting or dancing or indulging of some sort or another. :)

Just teasing.

AH. I have the sniffles. I have bought some sublime blueberry tea. I will settle into a chair with a paper or two to read..and pretend to read one or both of them. My project is truly in a crunch so I must recruit all brain cells to this task.

In other news, it seems that my brain is now the size of a pea. I stared blankly at my friend as she told me today that she had my knitting needles to return to me. I took them back, recognized them as mine, and remembered hazily only this evening that I had lent them to her when I was in the midst of *that guy* frenzy in mid-January. Seems I can only handle sex OR thinking at one time, not both.

9:31 p.m. - 2007-02-27

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