enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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A really long, dry entry about hot water and friendship issues

I don't really really have much to say--as usual--so I don't know why I am writing. I guess procrastination from other--perpetually encroaching-- duties is the answer.

I don't have any hot water. My water is coming out warm at best, and it doesn't last long. Now as I tell this story I am going to reveal a number of salient attributes about me that are rather amusing. I haven't had any hot water for more than a week, and it was only yesterday that I decided to take the stairs to the basement of the house (said big old house comprises four self-contained flats), to figure out 1) how hot water distribution is configured in this place; 2) if I could manually do anything to change the situation myself.

I should preface this with the background information that I rarely speak with my landlords. They live in a big, posh old house uptown but I am guessing that they bought when prices were low or that they won the lottery or received a big inheritance or something because in my acquaintance with them I've always had the impression that they are living in circumstances superior to their personal qualifications. OK. That was a run-on sentence. The point to all of this is that whether or not they deserve their prosperity, I always find dealing with them vaguely uncomfortable. They always want me to come to their house--which is appointed fully in a home-and-garden, photograph-ready fashion, complete with a kitchen table permanently set with full place settings of Limoges china and napkins and other accoutrements. The wife looks like a lady who lunches: nice clothes, lean physique, salon-worthy red helmet head hair. The husband is jovial, paunchy, and well turned out. At the same time, the wife seems distracted always, as if she's lost something; the husband, on the other hand, is always sprawled out on the lovely sofa watching bad gameshows. I know this to be true becaue when I am there he invariably asks me to help him to answer a question.

Anyhow. So I happened to notice whilst riding my bike home from the university recently that their big old house uptown has a for sale sign on it. I have also noticed in the last two or three weeks that minor improvements have been made around this place, particularly to the front of the house. My instinct is that they are planning to sell. This doesn't cause me any grief as I am moving to Ottawa in two months, anyhow. But I also noticed that a workman was working down in the basement at around the time that my hot water went south.

I know, I am a veritable Sherlock Holmes.

So I finally went down to the basement and discovered that there is only one measly, apparently gas-powered, hot water heater in the basement. This explains why I have occasionally found the hot water running low when I have been a the tail end of a long, hot bath (and I like them hot). What I can't figure out, since the three other tenants in the building apparently share the same tank, is what anyone or everyone else has done about this situation. When I checked the tank yesterday, the dial seemed to be set on warm rather than hot and I thought that this meant, clearly, that if I turned the dial up to "hot" I would see an improvement. This was not the case. The thermostat must be broken. But this doesn't explain why no one else in the building had not turned the dial up to hot before me.

So the nerdy economist in me wonders if this is a free-rider problem. My next door neighbour eats a great deal of takeout and many restaurant meals. She also returns home from the gym in the morning at about the time that I am departing. I am imagining that she is showering at the gym. I don't think dishes are a concern for her. One of the guys upstairs has a girlfriend and I don't see them around much so who knows where they shower. The other guy upstairs is a lawyer and the weirdest damn guy I have ever met. I say this because every single time I have ever met him--including the first time--he averted his gaze and pretended not to see me. I'm not a chatty person in the least so I don't understand what is so difficult about "hi." Sometimes I wonder if I should get suicide intervention in here in case he needs help, though I only know his name from his mail so this might be a bit presumptuous.

So that was a short story made long: I don't have any hot water and I'm waiting for someone else to do something about it. My initial suspicion was that my cheap landlords (they set the heat low in here in the winter and have left me with not-great appliances) turned the heat on the water tank down as soon as the warmth of the summer would permit it. This would normally work without anyone being able to do anything about it, since access to the hot water tank is only available because the workman who was down there--I think working on the furnace--last week failed to re-lock the door.

Sorry. That was a long story about nothing.

So one of the other few things that have happened to me in my pitiful little life in the last couple of days is that I told off a friend of mine whose selfishness was irritating me. I tend to tell people how I really feel--it is difficult for me to contain my feelings--and then feel sorry that I did quickly thereafter. It's not that I feel that I was wrong; quite the contrary, I simply dislike hurting anyone's feelings.

One note related to this: I frequently find it surprising that even relatively mature grown-up people have a difficult time accepting sincere criticism that is not maliciously delivered. It has always seemed to me to be more important to maintain honesty in a relationship than to tread on eggshells around someone's feelings.

In the situation with this friend, I have been disturbed as to her lack of concern over my hip. She runs too--although much, much less--and she knows how integral the activity is to my life. I've also told her that I have to have a series of tests to assess whether there has been any deterioration in the joint.

So although she had not asked me once in the last month how my hip was doing--in spite of sending me multiple pictures of the race she completed two weekends ago, and me having told her repeatedly that I cannot run a step--I was not particularly concerned over this. I tend not to demand much attention from people. On Friday, however, I couldn't believe it when in conversation I was telling her about my upcoming bone scan and ultrasound and she again did not express any concern but said, "Can't you run at all?"
So I said, yet again, "No, I haven't been able to run in weeks. I've had trouble walking without discomfort, as I've mentioned several times before (in email chats and on the phone)."
To which she replied, "So since you can't run are you going to get fat?"

ME: "WHAT!?"
HER: "It's not fair. If I couldn't run at all I would get fat."
ME: "Well, I do get other exercise (biking to school) and I'm going to be starting back in the pool. I'm also a vegetarian who eats healthy food and tends to eat in tune with variations in her hunger."
HER: "But you're not going to be a vegetarian at my party, are you? I don't have any vegetarian dishes on the menu." (reference to upcoming fortieth birthday party at which at least three vegetarians and two vegans will be in attendance)
ME: "Have you completely lost your mind!???. These remarks are just about the most selfish and ridiculous I have heard in a while. I'm telling you this because I think that they are hurtful things to say and do. I also understand that some of them come from a place of insecurity that you feel about your own weight and eating habits, which is not an excuse."

She hasn't called me since Friday. We have been friends for nearly twenty years and I do enjoy her company. She is frequently generous and helpful and is pleasant to be around. I really don't enjoy culling my friend set, but perhaps I should in this case.

In other friend news, C. is away for the weekend but before he left he called me to tell me that he had a one night stand on Friday night. It was a weird conversation. He was clearly feeling guilty. She sounded like a nice, smart and interesting enough woman who is going through a period of dissatisfaction with her job and her relationship situation. She's over thirty. I don't think it's anything to worry about. At the same time, I have to admit that my first reaction to it was what a cheap thing to do. I mean, upon analysis, it was not so much the one-night stand that seemed cheap but the fact that C. picked the girl up at a party with a bunch of pretty mature professionals in attendance. Early in the evening, even the host's mother was there. C. admitted to making out a bit with the woman at the party, though late in the evening.

So I've been trying to examine my feelings towards this situation. I felt mostly bemused but still judgmental. I don't want to be a judgmental person. I guess what I got out of turning it over in my head, however, is that I don't want to be a person in that situation. I realize that I can wait for another x number of years to be with someone, so that I can be with someone with whom I have a developed relationship. I'm not overly eager to dive into a relationship--I only want one that is excellent, life-changing--but a relationship of companionship that leads to intimacy would be great.
I feel as though I've maybe grown up, although that doesn't make sense because I do believe that a good polic is to think to each his own. People can do with their bodies what they will.

On a side-note it did remind me that I never want to get together with C. It's such a strange thing since I love him so much as a person, but I have absolutely no attraction to him whatsoever.

11:15 a.m. - 2006-05-28

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