enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Sorry. Gloomy! No need to pity me!

Oh you guys are really beautiful! I'm NOT seeking attention here, but I must admit that I've had a sad day.

The guy from Ottawa and the date a couple of weeks ago wrote me this email, which I finally read:

"First I thought you were absolutely amazing. I loved just listening to you talk and hearing about everything you've done. I really admire the passion with which you've lived your life. You had better get some new pictures uploaded though, they just don't represent how beautiful you are. Don't let that go to your head :)

I don't think it will come as much of a surprise to you that I came to a similar conclusion but for different reasons. I thought we were similar enough (frighteningly so in some respects) that we would get along very well but as we talked I got the impression that you were looking for someone not quite as far removed from your world with a more immediate "click" factor. It seemed that you were more curious than attracted. "

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

I shouldn't be thinking about this here in Italy, I know. I had a beautiful day at the Bargello today. I guess that being by myself and seeing all of the lovely couples walking around got me feeling as though I had a little lump in my throat all day. I'm definitely tired of being a world of only one.

Ah well! It is also not sunny today. Perhaps that's the problem. I also made the mistake of logging into my dating account just a few moments ago. Since I left it is only old and ugly dudes who have contacted me, so it would seem that indeed I shoudl get some new pictures. I thought that those were good pictures though, and I certainly don't think I'm better looking than those. Perhaps he means flashy or dressy - perhaps the dudes more matched with me are looking for women who present themselves as more stylish and so on. I guess I'll see if I can have a friend take some nice pics when I get back. I think that you just can't capture the essence of a person in photos. It seems, at least, that that guy sort of got what I'm all about.

Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! You guys are all wishing me the love and you are so kind and here I am obsessing. I never understood how people got tired and upset on their birthdays, but I think I'm starting to understand it. It is not so easy to be a woman in her late 30s. You do start to become invisible. I guess it happens to many of us. I will try to forget. I actually miss the Australian guy, and not only for the attention. It was nice to have someone interesting to talk to and to eat with. All of the people here tonight are quite young.

OK. I know the answer! It is, I think, time to DRINK. I'm going to go and drown my sorrows with some wine. I called Marco and have arranged to go on the free additional bike ride in the country tomorrow, so I suppose not TOO much wine. :) That still leaves me two more days of art-ing in the city, and I think that being back in the country will bring me some peace. Besides, I've filled up with enough gelato!! ;)
Ciao bellas! I'm going to cheer up!

6:01 p.m. - 2008-05-13

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