enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary
"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Morning!
I woke up dreaming of ballet men's thighs.
Sigh...
SO today unfortunately will be an "inside" day, but it is a tiny bit cold today anyhow so I suppose that that is OK. I will get up on my bike trainer and then round it out with a little run later. Hopefully without falling over.
First, however, I must prepare a massive bag of clothes for the women's shelter clothing drive. Mushroom lady (I know it is WEIRD to call a girl my own age who is smart and kind and earthy and also very attractive the "mushroom lady," but I will never forget the stories of her time on the Haida Gwa!! and so I can't resist. And besides, the birthday party tonight is for *another* M.)
So, it will be a major laundry day. I think I will also have to sit down and make a list of all of the things that I need to do still for the Italy departure. (I hate doing things on the last weekend.) I need to decide first whether I will buy a medium-sized knapsack. I have a huge one and I have a day pack. I suppose since I will be staying in one place that I could take a day pack and a duffel, but I like the idea of being compact for quick getaways! Kidding. My goal for this trip though is to take very little stuff. I love the feeling of being free, unemcumbered by too much stuff.
Oh! I won the yellow sunflower dress on ebay. I'm so excited. Unfortunately though it will likely not get here in time to go to ITaly. I'm hoping for Friday though. I bought it in a big enough size that it should be long enough to also be a summer work dress with a proper jacket or cardigan, so a happy purchase.
I'm so delighted these days. I think my physiology has changed as a result of the gluten removal. Actually, I know that it has. I just have to never forget not to take this for granted. The world is my oyster.
So that was a detour. Really, I have cleaning to do. Oh! And I SIMPLY MUST DO MY TAXES. It's so stupid as I will likely be getting a refund because of my change in jobs.
OK. I REALLY need to make some coffee, start to organize myself. Oh, and maybe some eggs would be in order. Now that I cannot dip toast strips in them I have not been making eggs quite so often. :(
I know, I'm to be pitied. ;)
Oh yes. Another thing that I'm thinking about. I'm really stuck in Ottawa. I used to be so mobile and crazy - I up and moved to Vancouver, Washington, Hong Kong (well, for a very short time), Korea, England (again, short term), Australia, Montreal. I just did stuff.
It's not that I *love* my job. But it's the pension thing. I've never had the security before, and my goodness do we have a *great* defined benefit pension in my job, if I stick out an other 25 years. :) Ha!
I know. But it *is* tricky for me to think of what else I could be doing and be comfortable with. I mean, I have a MLIS, as we know, as well, but I've never worked as a librarian. Librarians have such a stressful life to live, too, and as much as I value the profession I don't think I could take the instability. I always wanted to be an archivist and I could certainly do that with that degree. BUt get paid by the hour? No.
There are things that I like about being an economist. I suppose what I like is the - to make a bluntly stupid comment - analysis. Economists are prying. I can poke and prod at an idea for hours.
I mean, research economics and social policy economics do interest me. I could go to work for a think tank.
Yeah, whatever.
I mention this because the only place I could see myself living other than this Ottawa place is Victoria. I could work for the BC Ministry of Line Dance and enjoy the mists of the ocean every day. Those jobs are in demand but my resume building at the moment would help.
I don't think I'd be happy working for a provincial ministry of line dance though. Hmm...
I mention this because on the dating site I ticked "Canada" for geographic proximity. Mostly the matches provided are nearby, but often they will be from Toronto or its suburbs. For well-known reasons I do not see myself ever moving back to Toronto, and there is a snowball's chance in hell that I would ever live in a suburb of Toronto. So I have to delete these guys.
This makes it seem as if I really don't want to meet a guy. But it does get tricky in this regard. I thought it would be easy to find someone reasonably interesting to date in Ottawa, but it has been a nightmare. The only guy who has caught my fancy is the completely unavailable boyfriend of a friend of mine - don't worry, I would never flirt with him - who actually comes from the West Coast. He's also a librarian. But he's dapper and witty and kindly. This makes sense, since *she* is a beautiful human being. She wants to become a writer. I hope she becomes one. And I hope that they move back to the left coast and make ridiculously beautiful, intelligent and creative children.
No, things are tricky. When I moved to Australia for S. I was fully committed. I didn't think twice, I didn't look back. But I was twenty-eight then. At the time I saw running only in my future for a while, and the long-term career stuff didn't matter at all to me. I was happy with my high commission contract.
I don't know. Well, I do know. I guess because I've spent something crazy like 11 years in university - whilst doing other things, of course - and have lived for nearly a third of my life outside of my home province, I'm in this weird position suddenly of being at rest, finding contentment. As much as I have this incredible wanderlust, I'm not sure if I could uproot myself again.
Oh, hell, if some Italian count wants to uproot me and pay for me to go back to school to do a Ph.D. in history or something...sure!
I have a feeling that all of these feelings will change in a couple of years. I could see myself striking out in a different direction, transforming myself completely. I think that right now is time of recharging my risk reserves, nurturing myself, growing my confidence, remembering who I am. Most of all I think it is a period of learning again to trust myself.
OK! THat's enough meandering for now. Food. God how I'd love some waffles right now. There must be some non-disgusting gluten-free waffles out there...
|10:37 a.m. - 2008-04-26
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
Come al solito - 2011-04-16 unfettered spending - 2011-04-15 How does it go? - 2011-04-14 Whirlwind. - 2011-04-13 bleak that flips over to daffodil - 2011-04-08 |