enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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dippy eggs and personal bests

You know, re. last night's entry...I think I was just tired. I had worked until 8 p.m. and then felt obligated to stay out with Dan. I didn't really have a nice time out last night - I only stayed out of obligation - as although the people Dan invited to meet us were nice, I didn't find them to be quite kindred spirits. I think, plain and simple, that it was a bit of a maturity gap. Dan and I have slightly different ideas about what it means to be sophisticated. I say that with no intention to be rude of self-congratulatory. It's just a function of age and experience I guess that one realizes at a certain point when one has grown beyond a particular type of company. I won't be going out with them again.

I DO honestly think that I need to loosen up sometimes and stop thinking and analysing things, if only for my own relaxation and not to make men feel comfortable. :)

We don't care about making men feel comfortable, do we? ;)

I must say though that progress was made with beautiful man at my cycling class. He was very friendly after class and we exchanged a few smiles and laughs as we did our core exercise and cleaned up the mats. At the end he introduced himself to me formally. His name is Paul. I'm thinking of him as Gorgeous Paul. GP for short. What a cutie.

I have no idea if we have anything in common at all, but it's nice to feel attractive to a guy who seems to be athletic, steady, and friendly at least. I really don't know how old he is, but I'm guessing from today that he might be as old as 34. Very nice. Perhaps after a few classes I will ask him for a coffee. I felt it would be too aggressive today, and besides I have no time. I have to make pie today for poet scientist's birthday, and my head is still hurting from last night so I'll stay in tonight I think. I have some shopping to do, too.

I'm sorry for giving everyone the impression that I am a bonafide neurotic yo yo. In fact, lately I've been feeling really, really good and permanently on a very good and happy path.

I like who I am, my friends, my activities. I'm opening myself up to even more new activities and I've decided to fight to the death at my job. Friday went very well, as I fought through with that attitude. I will hold my head up there no matter what comes. It really is the boneheads who plow through without a thought. Perhaps I should call my quest Operation Emulate Boneheads. ;)

I do think that the final frontier for me to conquer involves thinking or rather NOT thinking too much, as above. I'm capable of really letting loose, letting my hair down, and having a good time. I should be doing this all the time. Where I fall down is in the classic self-sabotaging areas - areas involving analysis about what other people might be thinking about me, how someone else is reacting to me, how I'm imposing on people. I do way too much of this. Culotte wrote about this yesterday and it makes so much sense.

So I have a few little self-improvement mountains to climb, but otherwise I feel so happy and lucky.

I ran over to C.'s after spinning this morning, only to find him out and a note on his door for me. He was at my favourite coffee shop playing chess with his lawyer friend. So I stopped in and had a coffee, read the local arts paper and repertory cinema guide, felt at peace.

I love Saturdays these days. I get that gigantic endorphin release from 2.5 hours of solid and balanced exercise, and then I get to indulge in wonderful coffee, lovely organic whole wheat sourdough and beautiful fresh eggs when I get home to my special apartment. I am SOOOOO lucky. I think it would be fair to say that this is the best time of my life yet.

I used to honestly believe that 1998 was the best year of my life and that I would never be happy like that ever again. I think I've finally surpassed the happiness that I felt then, replaced it with growing contentment. Sure, my life was much more "exciting" at that time. But this is a new stage. I like it.

OK. Head spinning a bit from lack of food and dehydration. Must head off headache with food and water. I'm going to make a dippy egg. :)

Have a great and relaxing day, everyone, and thank you, as always, for your continual kindness, sharing and caring!!!

2:44 p.m. - 2008-01-19

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