enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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major suckage and major mistakes. and major breakage.

OK. I'm now going to tell you something EXTREMELY embarrassing that I have done.

I wrote to S. tonight to say that I didn't understand why he had stopped writing and that I wished he had just been straightforward and told me that he wasn't interested in me.

And then I didn't hear back from him and could see that he had deleted me from the (now this is embarrassing) dating site on which we had first met.

So I overreacted and sent him a quick email telling him that I was hurt and disappointed.

UGH.

And then he got home tonight and wrote me this mail about how he'd been out and how he'd thought that I had needed some space from my response to his earlier mails (and that he'd learned his lesson about smothering people and so on)...and that he'd deleted me because he now had "direct access to me."

Of course he doesn't want to see me again now.

OH MY GOD I AM HUMILIATED. I look like a looney toon now. And I am a looney tune? :) LARRY REALLY DID A NUMBER ON ME. I thought he was a Larry. Or a Stewart (crazy Scottish engineer who dumped me horribly in May).

I seroiusly, seriously need to get my head checked. I am losing my mind. FOr now I will blame it on my sinus blockage and my work problems and my BLOODY tendency to over analyze everything.

Tomorrow will be another day.

And another nice guy will come along with whom I can screw it up equally badly in future.

Oh the shame, the shame. And the tears. I really, really suck.

I'm going to comfort myself for now by using my friend Cynthia's line: You were pretty sure that he wasn't the love of your life. SO at least you can comfort yourself that you didn't screw it up with the love of your life!

OH GOd. I'm so humiliated. But honestly, I am laughing. Not in an "I don't feel badly" sort of way, but rather in an "AM I TWELVE?" sort of way. Seriously, am I twelve or what!? Only Corey Hart isn't on the radio anymore and I'm not wearing red pants and a rainbow shirt as I was when I was twelve. God I wish I were twelve right now...

11:51 p.m. - 2007-09-26

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