enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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New start.

Well, I went to the gym. I let the whole email thing percolate.

And do you know what? I felt very relaxed, very calm. I felt light, even.

I've been carrying around this bad feeling for a long time because I wasn't been truthful about something, was going along with something that didn't feel right to me.

I think I must have been doing it because I don't trust my own opinion a lot of the time. Also, I was worried that I would be accused of holding that opinion because of my own personal life situation.

But now I realize that I need to trust myself and my own instincts. My instincts are right for me. I can't go along with certain things. They're unhealthy. I don't need to keep the peace. That's what it boils down to: a feeling of obligation to keep the peace, not rock the boat. I wonder where that came from?

Anyhow...I feel relieved, frankly. I hope I never again get myself into a similar situation.

So...I think I might be getting a migraine. I've had a headache since yesterday. It could also be sinus or allergies. Not sure. I called and canceled my visit to my friend's. I feel guilty about it, but I'm not going to let that guilt settle. I am not a social person. It's just a fact. And I do have a headache. I want to stay at home with fresh air coming in through the window. I will go out and buy some fresh ingredients to cook, and then I'll get back to my writing and drawing.

OK! Be well. Have a lovely day.

Sigh of relief. New start. Trusting in myself.

2:33 p.m. - 2010-03-28

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