enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Tricky.

Just ignore the shit I wrote this morning.

I'm as superficial as ever!

Well, not exactly.

I had the worst day ever!

I must have set it up by being gloomy this morning.

Actually, it wasn't the worst day ever.

THe morning was good. I had a conference call with an academic econometrician and he told me that I'd been doing good work (still, I beat myself up for not knowing everything that I want to know already).

But then the afternoon hit.

I went to the store that was having the 40% off sale, with my little coupon in hand. I waited in line for the change room. Women take so long! They fuss and fuss! Don't you know your size? Can't you tell that there are lots of people waiting? Can't you decide quickly if you like something, or not?

I tried on two pairs of pants. They were both OK, except the pants were too short on me. I thought I'd buy one pair and take the hem down (thought the hem would be sufficient). I got in the LOOOOOOOONG line up for the cash, with all of the women with piles of clothing on their arms, and I thought, "Yes, I need work pants. But why am I buying pants that are just OK. I should wait and invest in a pair that I love and will wear for at least 5 years."

So I put the pants back and rushed back for my meeting at the office.

The meeting was across a number of groups. There was some squabbling (not me, but others). Afterwards there was another meeting. Perhaps my mood wasn't great. Perhaps it was the tone of the questioner. We got to a certain part of the conversation and I had no idea what he was talking about and I had an anxiety attack, which was INCREDIBLY stupid given that it was my work and I know what it's all about and could normally defend it. I made a couple of stupid, unclear comments and felt absolutely humiliated for the rest of the afternoon. I mean, if you can't be confident when you're discussing your own, EXCELLENT, detailed work, when can you be confident?

So I went back to my office and sort of moped for an hour until my boss went home, and then I stayed late to get some other things done.

It's a real testament to the work that I've done in recent months that I'm now completely past the whole event and don't feel at all self-critical. It happens. It will happen again. I'm human. Start fresh.

But anyhow it was rather late and I had to go and pick up a package - and that's why you should ignore my crap from earlier - and so I decided not to go to the concert that I was invited to for tonight. I rather regret this, but again...forgeddabout it, EB.

Yeah. I'm cooking myself a chicken right now and I'm going to open a bottle of wine and maybe make some bruschetta.

So back to the package. I had ordered a work shirt and a lovely black sheath dress on sale from the States. I had completely forgotten about them. They are absolutely wonderful!

I absolutely love the sheath. Sheaths are very lovely for work and this one comes just to my knees. It will be pretty alone for concerts and nice for work with a cardigan over top and tights or even a sweater underneath. Very pleased. And it is finished so beautifully.

OH, and Revenu3 Canada reassessed my taxes at my request (I had received something from my bank that made me realize they had been giving me an inaccurate statement on something before) and I got $400 dollars back from them today. I realized that I can probably get the same back for 2007. So...back to the earlier point...I'm as superficial as ever. I'm going to buy more yarn to knit a pretty sweater to wear with jeans in the winter. Or maybe I'll make one for my mom for Christmas. Maybe both.

So, really, it was not a terrible day.

Felt like a "Jonah" day though.

Hope yours was better.

XO

8:52 p.m. - 2009-09-17

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