enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Sun, I salute you.

Yoga. Wonderful!

I'm having difficulty motivating myself to go to the fabric store, which I located, because it is several miles away. I have legs though. I can go. :)

I'm so lazy.

And C. wants to run later.

Life. Never seems to just. stand. still.

I'd like to be in a boat on a lake right now, trailing my hand in the water and watching the light move over the ripples.

I've always appreciated quiet, but more and more I don't feel as though I'm missing out on something else when I don't go out and do something raucous. In other words, I'm starting to figure out that my way is OK!

I'm closing a bunch of doors lately, which feels good. It frees my mind to focus on what I have, what I do well.

I was over at C.'s after yoga, and I think I talked myself completely out of the Ph.D. in History. I wasn't even TRYING to talk myself out of it, but I realized that it probably wouldn't be worthwhile to do it at this point. It would be quite expensive, and almost certainly would entail moving somewhere even worse than Ottawa at the end of it, in order to get a tenure track position. If I had to choose, I would prefer to invest my money and time in doing art-related things (drawing, travel to art-y places).

It's funny how clear things become when you stop thinking (consciously, anyhow). And to top it off, I realized that I'm on the perfect path at the moment. If I keep on with what I'm doing at work, climb the ladder a bit...I'll be in a perfect position to get to Europe on a 2-3 year posting in 3-5 years, as I mentioned the other day. That's perfect timing, really. I mean, just think: I first went back to Italy a year and a half ago. Time passes so quickly. Also, in 3 years I'll have a much better idea re. the lay of the land here, will have done more art work, will likely have been back to Italy a few times. It's a fantastic plan! You can't see clearly when you look forward a year; when you look forward, loosely, a few years...it gets much clearer. It's sort of like squinting to see a mass. I'm going to focus on being the best labour/tax economist/statistician I can be...and the opportunities will abound. Hmm...I have a plan!

All good. No need to belabour this. Time to jump in the shower and head out into the sunshine.

Have a wonderful weekend!

XO

2:58 p.m. - 2009-09-12

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