enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Addendum to the sugar daddy fantasy...

Dudes,

I wrote a detailed entry already but I was sitting in the garden enjoying my cappuccino amidst the birdsong (as one does) and I wanted to come back to say something. As Joan says, "You're chatty!" Indeed!

I realized that I am getting much, much better at appreciating what I have and not worrying about the stuff out of reach at present.

I mean, the Marco thing, for example. I am really, really eager to get back to having, erm, sex again in my life...

But the situation did not diminish my utter joy in what I am experiencing.

Of course, my Clausy friend did not forget my birthday. He was following German custom and sent me a note later yesterday. C. has always given me so much and supports me in every way. I know he respects and values me for both my strengths and my flaws. I am so lucky to have such a beautiful friend.

Also, I was enormously touched by the fact that Joan went out yesterday and bought me a gorgeous book from one of the specialty paper shops in Florence. She took special care in selecting the cover and it was beautifully wrapped. This is exactly the sort of thing that I love and I thought it so kind that she did that. I am going to start writing in it today!

Also, I am thrilled with the people I have met here. A girl called Camilla from Norway has invited me to go with her to Rome this weekend. I am not sure that I want to rush off, but I am going to think about it. Also, I really, really want to keep in touch with the marvelous Korean girl who wants me to join her in the intensive drawing class in the fall. Her name is Inez, which is interesting. And then there is a blustery lawyer from Sydney (Deb) who is trying to figure out her life. I only regret that I will have to leave in a week and these ladies will all continue on in the course without me for another two weeks! EEEEKK!!! I am so jealous. But still, I will live it up for now. Fabulous ladies; fabulous thoughts and conversations and experiences. The true beautiful life. And oh, shit - I can't forget all of you FABULOUS people (and I mean that, well and truly) who have stood by me and offered such kind ears so many times.

I guess you could say that I have learned to deal with my natural inclination towards tenacity (it must work out with M! It must!) and recognize that what we want isn't always either good for us or what it is cracked up to be. You know what I mean. In so many ways, men can be great. They can also be such a drag. Especially when they are not very mature or secure. They so often lack the ability to read the emotions and the simple needs of others, which is a drag for them. Usually we don't want anything deeper than a simple acknowledgement...not the whole farm.

Well, whatever. I feel so much joy and gratitude for each and every experience here. Now back to the garden for another cappuccino. You have got to like the country of origin of cappuccino - only a buck for a taste delight. Italia! Italia! Italia!

10:51 a.m. - 2009-05-14

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