enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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PS

I know that my life sounds stupid and self-indulgent. Almost every day I lie in bed and think about this. Marco emailed me a couple of days ago to say something again about how he wishes we could date, that he were younger, etc. I don't even think about him in that way anymore. But I do think about the crossroads at which I find myself. Or maybe I've already crossed that line. Probably I have. There was a point a few years ago when it still might have been possible to meet someone wonderful and have children. That would have been one version of a great life. Since I am now almost forty and I still haven't met that person, it seems wisest to just embrace the fact that I will be a single and childless woman, or at least a childless woman. If this be the case then I might as well just throw myself full force into loving the things that one can do when one does not have children, instead of feeling sad about what one will miss. I will have much less worry and more freedom given that I will not have children. It seems best to put this positive spin on things and seize as many opportunities as possible.

1:11 p.m. - 2009-03-01

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