enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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A little bit flat, but not bad at all.

Very short entry today.

I think the being sick thing is wearing me down. I'm starting to lose my enthusiasm. Joan and I are going to Si3na today for a day trip though, so that should be good.

The problem is that with the cough and it seems still an infection in my left sinus, I wake up for several hours in the night. I am constantly trying to avoid coughing and disturbing other people as well, so I have to leave the room.

I'm just getting tired of it all.

Otherwise, Florence is still lovely. It has been a nice stay. And of course there is that side benefit of getting that M. thing out of my system, so that no pining will occur when I go back.

It's all good, but like I am saying, I am feeling flat.

M. said he would call me yesterday and he didn't, but he has huge tours each day so whatever. I told him not to worry if he didn't have time. I shouldn't have done that - I always give men an "out." :)

Anyhow. I do hope that I get to go biking with him one more time before I leave. The countryside was beautiful (Chianti again, Boxx, from Greve to Volpiaia and around), but I really wasn't reveling in it the way that I had the last time that I was here. I am just not sufficiently well. It is sad that my vacation has kind of been ruined by being sick. Although Joan said that she has been impressed by how hard I have been working to make the most of it, and this is true. I have been trying very hard. Perhaps it would have been better to try to sleep it off for a few days and THEN go out and enjoy it. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20.

As for staying longer, I am going to leave it until tomorrow morning. If I feel like staying tomorrow morning, I will go to the British I and have the girl there see if she can ring my airline. I am leaning towards just going home at this point on Monday as planned. I am not sure that the extra six days are worth the money and the hassle.

So, I don't think I have anything more to say! Oh, BoXx asked about shopping. I really only did the necessities shopping plus that skirt, but I will think seriously about buying that dress if it is still available, particularly if I don't stay. It will be a good investment piece. And then I need to buy a white shirt to go with my grey skirt. Possibly it would be a good idea to buy another pair of shoes, and that is about it.

I'm so sorry that I haven't sent off your post cards yet! I will find the post office and do that this week! I really have been meting out my energy very slowly.

Yesterday I went to Santa Mar!a Nov3lla church in the morning, and just slowly savoured the frecos and the crucifix by Giott0. This was all good as we discussed the building of the gothic church as well as a little bit more of Giotto in class yesterday. I am so excited about tomorrow's class as we are going to the Uffiz! gallery. This is going to be my favourite class. Joan and I are skipping a lecture today on sculpture for the pulpits. I think it's going to be about sculptures of prophets and evangelists and bishops and things that they often put on the facades of churches. I don't think that we will suffer too much by missing it. :)

Sorry to sound so glum. I'm not glum, but rather a bit weary. I felt so good and energetic and joyful when I was here in the spring, so I really do feel today the contrast in seasons and the effects of this bronchitis. It's sad that my only vacation until next April has been kind of uncomfortable.

BUt that's OK. I've made a friend and I've had some fun and LOVED the art, and I've also shed my interest in M.

Oh! Joan had an interesting insight yesterday. We had stopped to take photos and an older gentleman was trying to hit on me. Joan was commenting about how every time we went out together there was a man trying to hit on me. And it is true. For whatever reason some guy always stops me when we are out. But anyhow. I commented that older men in particular really love me, and I don't know why. She had a VERY interesting thought. She said that she wasn't picking this up from me, but that older men might pick up when a woman has some sort of a vulnerability, i.e. a girlish thing, maybe a confidence thing, maybe a lost father. This makes older men sound predatory, and to be honest, I've always felt that men who pursue and date much younger women ARE predators. They always claim that the girls are so "mature," but it can never be right when a 40 year-old guy dates an 18 year-old, for example. The guy clearly has issues with his own confidence and ego, and the girl is clearly looking for a father figure. It's creepy, really. Perhaps what is happening to me is just transposed a couple of decades. Because no matter what I still AM missing a father. I also feel underconfident about my looks. And older men clearly know that they'll be rejected in prime territory. It's interesting.

OK. Gotta run!

7:54 a.m. - 2008-09-23

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