enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Trying to crush the rising feelings of disappointment and even despair

Well I must admit that I woke up kind of despairing. I'm going to assume though that this feeling comes from not feeling good about my job and from having allowed myself to be pushed to breaking by the senior economist.

I need to be very mellow on Monday, make amends, suck up to him I guess?

Don't you just hate that? I really have no respect for the guy - he doesn't work in accordance with what he is paid, he makes personal and intrusive remarks to me, he does nothing for and cares nothing about society in general (and makes disparaging remarks about poor people), and he's painfully classless and undignified. AND he's a blow hard.

That's the end of talk about him, though. I don't want this to be a complaining diary.

I'm feeling really thick in the head today - allergies, I think. But I will make no excuses today and I am going to try to make something of the weekend. I will go out and buy some vegetables and other food at the market, and otherwise I will plan out some nice stuff to do (or maybe not plan!). Perhaps I'll sign up for my art course. Which reminds me - I need to check online to see if a summer Italian course is yet scheduled.

I can also read. I've already watched two of my three movies. I almost bought a copy of Ulysses yesterday but I thought it would be stupid to buy one new and not used. Perhaps I should just start going to the library! Actually, there is a super second-hand bookstore right by my favourite movie theatre. Perhaps I'll go there.

I'm babbling, I know. I should figure out something to do that will make me a useful human being. Sometimes I just need to *clean* myself of those thoughts which are not formed yet but that burden me when I wake up. I think I'm good now. Isn't it horrible that the negative thoughts come? :)

9:49 a.m. - 2008-06-14

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