enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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So the bacis are back.

Oh my friends I tried to post twice and it didn't work.

So sorry about the pity trip earlier. It's so silly when I'm in this beautiful place and am having such a nice time. Everything so far has been perfect.

So tonight I went out and treated myself to a delicious 5 course dinner. And vino. Can you tell? Only a quartro litro but little me is completely inebriated. I think it must be the Italian sun. I drank a whole bottle of water too and it did not negate the effects. OH I love Italia!

So I thought about the stuff that I felt earlier today and I realized that it was simply an issue of 1) as usual I had not eaten anything all day and had skipped dinner last night and so my head and body were all screwed up; 2) I'm lonely and need to make sure that I don't isolate myself again when I get back to Ottawa. The honest truth is that I have had this screwed up thing going on in my head whereby I think that I am ugly and boring and really that no one would want to know me. But in fact I am just a normal person like everyone else and of course there are people who will want to know me. And this includes men who actually have all of their teeth.

Let's hope, anyhow. It's really difficult to know what other peoples' perceptions of you might be. The Australian guy kept on intimating that I was intimidating the crap out of the young boys in the hostel. I really don't see myself as sophisticated but apparently that is how they perceive me. So, in other words, I somehow appear to be OLD and young at the same time. I guess I know now. No more thought is required. I'm going to have to learn to flirt and be crazy and more inviting or something, and then maybe things will start going my way.

So I'm going out for the bike tour tomorrow. I think I mentioned that. Blighty had a GREAT idea of a picture on the tour. T. actually got back to me this afternoon and said that the problem with my pictures is that I am much more animated in person. In pictures I seem more sedate, which is why he liked me better in person. It is true - I'm rather smiley and jolly in person. In pictures I always look as solemn as the Virgin. Only not so pious, I suspect. And good lord I hope not so virginal. :)

OH I wander. I wander. Tonight I put on the heels for the first time in Italy, borrowed a blow dryer, put on the little, sparkly earrings...And that was it. I walked towards the Arno but missing the Australian backtracked as I felt it would be better to get sloshed in heels closer to my accommodation. (I lived in South Korea for long enough that I recognize my limitations in terms of jogging in heels on uncertain street terrain, in light of intimidation by strange men. And I haven't been practising my karate kick of late. :))

You know, I'm a fast typist when drunk.. Hmmm...

Anyhow. I have no idea where I was going with this. Um. I guess I was about to say that this was the first evening on which I felt kind of sexy in Italy. It was a nice feeling. Some super-hot mid-40s man asked me with a wink in italian if I knew of a good restaurant. I didn't turn back when he told me to come here, but I just love the heat of these little exchanges. Man he was beautiful. Those Italian men with their chocolate eyes all melty-like and their perfect white shirts and olive skin...mmmm...

If only I were the fling in a pinch sort of gal. I can do so in my imagination, but no more.

Oh. An aside: In the Bargello today I was thinking that Cellini must have been gay. I mean, I know that it's weird to be looking at marble penises and everything, but on the whole I felt that Cellini was differentiable in his depiction of the male form from Danti or Michelangelo of course or Donnatello (no, maybe...not sure), or Ammanati.

I have to admit that as horrifying as the L3da story is I am utterly mesmerized by statues depicting the story. There's this PHENOMENAL Ammanati that I wish I could have taken home with me in the Bargello. Leda is even kissing the swan which is, you know, weird and all. But I can't tell you how beautiful is the piece.

And then I was down in the main Danti gallery and I went through a room and saw the the most beautiful Virgin col bambino piece...and I was thinking how beautiful this piece was compared with every other single virgin and child I have ever seen...and then of course...it was a Michelangelo. I mean, Michelangelo and his cuts into marble just a foot from me.

I think in my lifetime I will never be jaded about these things. I will never see too much, pass from one to the next without such a sense of marvel and wonder at the hands of those before reaching through history and twisting into my consciousness. I can't believe that I get to be here.

Tomorrow it will be more prosaic and repeatable delights - hillsides covered with poppies, and the enveloping scent of ginestra EVERYWHERE. They really should make a scratch and sniff diaryland. I would like to send out yellow ginestra to you.

Oh I yawn I yawn. I am going to sleep. I want to soak in all of Chianti tomorrow. And then tomorrow night I will walk up the hill to watch the sun set again over the Duomo from San Mineato al Monte. And then, I believe, I am going to go to the Caribbean discotheque and shake my little sun-soaked bootie. I mean, I must remind myself that they do have taxis here. No more birthday sad sack old lady stuff. I'm 38 after all; it is time to put on the brave don't hate me because I'm *of a certain age* face, non?

Ciao bellas!
Bacis! Bacis!

11:16 p.m. - 2008-05-13

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