enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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A little bit sad about missing the bike trip, but looking forward to other new adventures!

You know, sadly, all I can say at the moment about myself is that *I am exhausted*.

It's either the stress of the last week or the bug that I had the week before that is taking its toll, but I really haven't been myself in a physical sense this weekend.

Yesterday, as I noted yesterday afternoon, I was flat in my spinning class. Today, C. and I went for a short ~6 mile run at 11. I was planning to run again this evening and a bit longer, but my body just was not interested.

I did do something very productive today, though: I cleaned my apartment.

This does not sound like a monumental achievement, but actually it was a watershed moment. This is because I got rid of some stuff and now have a very prettily arranged kitchen and living room. Basically what has happened is that I have opened up the space - freed my table and arranged it so that I can do art work, put the bookcase to another side to create a book nook, opened up the window space so that I could arrange plants on the window sill, opened up the main seating area to accomodate a sofa and a new, smaller armchair, removed my "papers" cabinet to the side of my inefficiently large bedroom. ACK! Who wants to look at a "papers" cabinet, anyhow. (For some reason I feel an urgent need to be near to my taxes at all times?)

I'd be the first to admit that my apartment is an inconvenient size and shape. I think that this is what makes it so great. It's just a little bit quirky - just like me.

Only C. has told me to stop thinking of myself as "different" than other people, so I guess I should stop that. :) He likely has a point, as usual. ;)

My dvd player is still going in and out of functionality, so it would have been optimal had I gone out today to straighten that away. It took me a full 7 hours to clean and organize the kitchen and restructure and clean the living room, organize my plants nook and arts table...

So that is it. I also had a very good conversation with a friend who had called yesterday and invited me to lunch (I missed the call as I was spinning, of course), and who had also invited me to go for brunch and go rock climbing with her crew today. It would have been fun but I was pretty committed to the moving forward by organizing and restructuring my life thing.

I also organized my tax forms and contacted the lady at the statistical agency for my missing T-4. (God I hope she gets back to me so that I can file the damn things...I of all people should be on top of my taxes, clearly, since I now know more than I ever thought possible about taxes, on account of my job. :))

And what else? Well, I contacted the guy about the cycling trip. I hope that he will give me my deposit back. On balance, I think it is likely a good idea that I cancel, although there is a part of me that still wants to go, meet people, experience all of that. If I don't go on that trip I'll be going to Italy. Italy is great, but I feel less crazy than I used to do about traveling by myself. I'll likely put it off until the fall.

Wow! This is incredibly boring. My apologies. I guess I'm doing some housecleaning. I will end it there. I need to go out as I'm in the midst of making brownies and I realized that I am out of eggs! I will go and get some eggs and then will make some food for tomorrow and the weekend will be caput. I never look forward to the end of the weekends, obviously, but at least this week is only a four day one that is followed by a four day Easter holiday. Holidays good.

:)

I think that that's all of the excitement from EB-land. To be honest, I think it is a whole lot of excitement because in the past whenever I have accomplished anything it is when I actually started to impose some discipline and rigour on my existence. I'm just too inclined to drift, otherwise. Getting my space in order is a clear sign that I am ready for something new! I even checked out the red sofa again on the Internet today. :)

Actually, before I go...One of the things that I find very interesting about cleaning up my place is that I always feel a strong urge to get rid of things. I don't always feel like getting rid of everything, but it is interesting to discover that one finally feels like purging oneself of one particular thing or another. Today, for example, I wanted to get rid of my old journals. I really should keep one of them, which is the one that I started when I was driving across the country in 1997, with only a drive-away car to drop off, a few bags, and a plan to become a top marathon runner. In that journal I wrote all of my random and utterly untrained views on how I could train and how I felt that my body was responding to training. The journal continued on through my life in Vancouver, meeting Shaun, and the crazy 100-140 mile weeks of training that I undertook. I mean, it was a crazy and interesting period in my life. As I wrote a couple of days ago, what the message and interest is in it is that it was all done on the basis of something that was inside of me, from which source I know not. I just knew, somehow, that it was what I should do, what I was ready to do. I've never since felt so guided by intuition towards something so expansive. I hope that I'm moving into a similar phase now.

8:14 p.m. - 2008-03-16

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