enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Hmm...Somewhat glad that I didn't go out tonight.

You know, this is going to sound like a really weird, puffed up entry, but I feel like I've had a bit of an epiphany.

I've been sitting here thinking about how great I am - tolerant, generous, thoughtful, not stupid, not ugly, pleasant, fun-loving, energetic, compassionate.

And I've been thinking so deeply and strongly and fully about how everything else that comes into my head is complete crap. I keep on telling myself that I'm not good, that I'm going to fail, that I'm not worth anything.

It's all bullshit. I'm great, just as I am.

I need to speak this to myself every day.

I feel it right now, for some reason. I feel good about myself. I need to extend this to the way that I feel when I am out in the world, out at my job, etc.

I feel ready to embrace my life fully, to feel good. I deserve that. And I need to forgive the past.

Tomorrow I'm going to go into the office like a woman on fire, and I'm not going to let anyone take me down. I'm going to hold my ground and remember whenever I falter that I am smart and strong and that I can do this. I can play their game.

I'm way too smart for this panicking, crappy, bowing out modestly or fearfully bullshit.

10:29 p.m. - 2008-01-17

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